off with her head!
my first proper grown-up place on my own was in a high-rise block that had seen better days. after 6 years there, we(the other tenants and i) were told we all had to be out within a year, as the block was no longer fit for habitation. we all knew that very well. the close proximity of a train station meant wind would come up over the platform, then howl around the side of the building. this damaged pretty much all of the windows on that side. not only that, but the foundations were damaged and there were a multitude of structural problems. bouncy floors are just not right.
as we were all having to vacate, the council pretty much stopped doing repairs. this meant that i, like everyone on my side of the building, had to put up with damaged or broken window locks. on windy days, everyone's windows would fly open.
one night, i was watching telly, when my window blew open again. i had to stand on the sofa and lean halfway out of the window in order to reach it and pull it closed. twice the wind yanked it out of my hands. the third time, i managed to get a good grip of it and haul it closed, pulling my top half back inside and out of the wind. the second i fastened the window, the entire window and frame from the flat three floors up came crashing past, right where my head had been seconds before.
so yeah, that was me, almost decapitated.

tl;dr: shit window falls out and nearly takes my head off.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 14:32, 25 replies)

You should see if LIEMallow has somewhere you can rent.
Quick - catch him before he goes!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:04, closed)

pfff
got a much nicer place now, with a garden and everything
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:10, closed)

Ooo-ooh!
Hark at Lady Muck...
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:14, closed)

i do occasionally get unexplained bees in my bathroom

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:18, closed)

Hmph.
I wish someone would give me free bees.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:30, closed)

not when you're trying to have a shit, though

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:58, closed)

Ladies don't shit, Smash.
Tsk.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 16:01, closed)

when you're powdering your nose, then

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 16:04, closed)

maybe if you would stop powdering your nose with sugar
The bees would stop
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 14:19, closed)

That's not sugar!

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 18:59, closed)

Licks
It tastes amazing though
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 8:59, closed)

keep off my sugar!

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 13:56, closed)

get oooorrf Moi Laannd
and keep away from my bins as well
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 14:32, closed)

There may be little cliques and bickers on here
bit at least we can all come together and agree that the world would be a better place if you'd had your head cut off.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:47, closed)

Come now, Doctor.
Surely the decent thing to do would be to belittle her for not owning her own home, with saltwater pool in the garden.
As it stands, you just come across as one of those terrible trolls that I've heard so much about.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:54, closed)

See ... I've been horrid on here for fucking ages and it's still only a tiny percentage of witless crybabies who take it personally.
I mean ... they're more visible because they jump up and down and squeal all the time ... but they're still the exception.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 16:02, closed)

well, i do intend to have it kept in a jar when i die

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:58, closed)

Jam jar.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 16:02, closed)

nah
pickle jar
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 16:05, closed)

Be Careful Smash
Shambo likes his pickled onions in an unconventional manner. I have it on the authority of a doctor so it must be true.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 9:00, closed)

i shall bear that in mind

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 13:55, closed)

What's a window?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:58, closed)

a wrestling move
i think
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:59, closed)

Too poor to afford rubber bands and string then? Always worked for me.
(Benzyl, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 20:15, closed)

i eventually used superglue

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 13:59, closed)