If walk in front of my car I am going to miss the brake pedal!
Back in the day when I attended school, I spent the first few years of my high school education at a Catholic School. As I was baptised an Anglican, and had little to no religious input by my parents for the first 11 years of my life why they decided I should attend a Church school, and a fucking mick one at that is beyond me but, it did allow my some experiences to contribute to this QOTW.

At my school, we didn’t really have much concentrated bullying going on amongst the students, sure there was the usual big kid picking on smaller kid bullshit and the standard number of cerebrally challenged Neanderthals but, I can’t really recall anyone being victimized on a regular on going basis.

I reckon that this was for one simple reason, the the biggest bully in the school was a fairly inadequate teacher, Mr. Ritchie. To this day this is my benchmark for a fucktard and no one has yet surpassed him.

Mr. Ritchie was the type of bloke who wanted the cool kids to think he was cool, and one of his favourite tricks was to victimize kids who where different. Today I realize this dope was so very very short on self confidence that he needed to be justified as being ok by kids to generate any type of self esteem. (the dickhead even smoked a brand of durries called Kool). One of his favourite tricks was to creep up behind one of the not so cool kids in class, make sure the rest of the kids where watching him and then give a swinging arm open hand slap on the back of the neck and yell “THAT’S WHY WE CALL YOU A RED NECK”. He got me a few times with this, I hated it. It was not only a bit painful, it was humiliating and as he was a person of authority, as a 12 year old I and the other rednecks did not know how to deal with it, if we reported him we thought the problem would have been made worse. His other favourite trick was the public put down. Our school offered courses in surf survival as a 10 week elective sport. Those who did the elective would need to leave class to attend at the designated time. I remember the first week I was in the course, I got up to leave with the other blokes when he made the comment, why would you do surf survival, we would all prefer it if you didn’t survive. Not a big deal but, to a 12 year old in front of their peers having the teacher wish them dead was soul destroying.

What Ritchie probably didn’t realize was that not one of the students had respect for him. The general consensus was he was a knob, not worth pissing on if he was on fire. I didn’t think that universal disrespect was enough and after some disparaging commentary about my family and I being second class for not being catholic, revenge was plotted. I spent the next few days pissing into a 2 litre bottle which I kept hidden in the dunnies. When I had a good litre and a half, I snuck over to the staff parking area and poured it into his petrol tank. Did you know that cars don’t run well on urine and that if a goodly amount gets to the engine, you need to call a tow truck and have the system flushed which all in all is not a cheap exercise. I also at different times put dog turds in his hub caps, superglued the locks on his doors and stole the bulbs from his rear break lights. Eventually the police where called in to investigate the ongoing vandalism of his car and despite questioning many of the students, no one gave me up. He left the school at the end of my first year and I missed him like a hole in the head.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 19 May 2009, 7:57, 6 replies)

Nice work
I can almost imagine you pissing gleefully in that bottle. :)
(theneet began to cut her hair and long for balls, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:52, closed)

I'm sad that you didn't use a Honda Accord to extract your revenge

(Bazongaloid, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:53, closed)

'brake pedal'

( WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:10, closed)

ah crap
edited, ta
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:32, closed)

you forgot to mention the time you rubbed the tips of your willies together in delight...
which is how this all started!
(likeajackhammer, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:16, closed)

your school sounds a little different to mine
hey but, what ever turns you on.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:35, closed)