Bullshit and BullshittersWe've had questions about lies and liars in the past, but this time we're asking about the sort of fantasist who constantly claims they've got a helicopter in the garden or was "second onto the balcony at the Iranian Embassy siege". Tell us about the cobblers you've been told, or the complete lies you've come out with.
Thanks to dozer for the suggestion
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 12:55)
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crispyi once had a couple living in the flat above me, known to all(behind their backs) as crispy and greasy. they were both consummate bullshit artists, but crispy was the worst. whilst greasy's lies were along the rather needy and deluded lines of "my old mate from school just rang, she wants to take me out for a drink" even though nobody had heard the phone ring or seen her move, crispy's were a little more sinister.
he claimed to have belonged to a really tough gang, a gang who'd murdered several rival gang members, but managed to keep the police out of it. he said he'd tried heroin several times but didn't like it and gave up with no trouble whatsoever. he said he could make bombs. he said he'd burned out the mayor's car. he said he'd knifed someone to death.
the second worst lie was when he phoned me at 10 a.m one morning to tell me he and greasy had arrived safely in blackpool. i didn't know at the time that he was using me to set up an alibi. turns out he was actually phoning me from the train station around the corner, just before going to his adoptive parents' house and stealing about £200 whilst they were at work.
the worst lie was when he told me he'd "found" £25, which he used to buy junk food and pizzas. he hadn't stolen 25 of my films and flogged them for a quid each to cash generators, oh, no.
after being confronted by a furious me and an almost incandescent smash sister with an itchy fist, they did a flit. if i ever see that lying, fat, thieving, ugly wanksock again, i swear i'll jam a squirrel in him.
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 17:08,
8 replies)
"I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him"Best of all the responses.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 17:13,
closed)
HA! I wasjust about to say the same thing. :-D
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 17:45,
closed)
^ thisIf I could click a hundred times, just for the use of that phrase, I so would, and RSI be damned!
(, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 5:09, closed)
Leave the squirrels out of this...can't you use a squirrel shaped rock instead?
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:39, closed)
only if it's smeared in anthrax-infused shit(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 23:10,
closed)
Sounds like a plan to me(, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:08, closed)
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