COCKPRINT
Take your average exitable puppy. Feed it a few wraps of speed washed down with a couple of cans of red bull. And that’s basically what I’m like. All the fucking time. So, put me on a looooonnnnnggggg, dull as fuck journey and I’m bound, no, obliged to do something utterly fucking stupid.

A few years back I used to live up in a little place near Leeds named Heckmondwike. I’d get the bus every morning at god-awful-o’clock to my job in Leeds. One time it’d been snowing pretty damn heavily. Rather than face another day in a house with a woman who I can only discribe as Satan’s evil daughter, I trudged to the bus stop, waited, and eventually got on the Arriva to Leeds. I went up stairs and took up my usual hardman position at the back. And it was only when I sat down and scanned round, in my bleary early morning state, that I realised there was no other fucker on board. Everyone else had probably decided against going into work. The weather was truly fucking awful. But – alas I had my reasons, well, one reason – a short, fat, and fucking ugly reason that would’ve been waiting for me back at my gaff. *Shudders*

So I wrapped my coat round myself and tried to wipe the ice off the windows a bit so I could peer through. It was that fucking cold.

Then I got an idea. A stupid fucking idea. But an idea all the same which for me was something of a revelation...

Very slowly, I touched the tip of my tongue on the freezing cold glass. And I got stuck. I tried to move my head back slowly, but no fucking joy. I’d managed to freeze an essential part of my body to the inside window of the fucking bus. I did a little customary panic. Had a bit of a wimper, and then, bracing both hands on the cold, cold window pane, I wrenched myself free.

And left a little bit of my tongue stuck to the frosty glass. Fuck me. Won’t do that again...

Fastforward a few minutes. The bus is going no-fucking-where. Stuck near Leeds Ikea, crawling along like an oversized rectangular yeti in the driving blizzard. It’d stopped a few times and a few hardy souls boarded, but still no fucker dared to go upstairs and join me. (Possibly because there was no fucking heating on the top deck and it was like sitting in a fucking fridge, my breath billowing out infront of me).

Then I had another idea... A thought entered my head and just wouldn’t go away. I just had to fucking well know... what would happen if...

So, making sure the bus was a long way between the next stop, I stood up loosened the fly on my trousers, grabbed my cold-shrivelled and frightened cock, whapped it out, and slapped my bell end against the cold, cold, glass.

And, I have to say, it felt really fucking good. It stuck in place, my japs eye glued to the glass with the frost. It actually felt quite exhilirating. Pleasure and pain combined. Right, job done, I thought. So I went to move away. Shit! SHIT!!! SHHHIIIITTTT!!! If I’d have had a Hamlet cigar, I would’ve smoked it then in a moment of quiet contemplation. But I didn’t, so I braced my hands against the glass again and pulled back quickly, violently with my hips. And then I cried. I looked down at my poor little cock, saw the blood and passed out.

I came too a little later when a very kindly lady shook my shoulders: “You alright, luv?” she asked. “Bit cold up here, isn’t it?” Thankfully I was scrunched up in such a way that it wasn’t obvious my cock was hanging out, seeping blood from a nasty frost burn. I remained hunched up. I went to speak. The woman said: “Oh, you’re bleeding!” SHIT!!! And then she pointed at my mouth. PHEWW!!! I explained I must’ve hit my face against the glass when I *ahem* fainted...

The woman regarded the window of my seat. “Yes, you can see a bit of skin here,” and she pointed. “And look – there’s more down here too,” and her eyes went a bit blank, she moved away from me a little, as she stared directly at the unblinking, unmistakable cockprint (complete with japs eye) impression I’d managed to leave on the window...
( SpankyHanky, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:11, 13 replies)

Ace!
I lol'd. I winced. Have a click.
( bluemeat has been best of all the animals since, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:25, closed)

Oh, Spanky
Only you.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:12, closed)

its got blood, its got your cock, its got pain and suffering
gets a click from me!!!!!!!
(Smitty Foster, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:06, closed)

Gawd
more of this please you sick, sick man! hahahahaha!
(Great Amy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:18, closed)

ARGH!!
Good god man... I am crying with laughter here!! Cue odd looks from the rest of the office :-)
(TheBDI is watching you..., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 15:14, closed)

What does
a cockprint look like anyway? Did you have balls out as well?
(cypherspace is not a toaster, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 15:30, closed)

You're getting a bit silly now.
:)
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 15:59, closed)

Ace
lol at my desk and made people think I was having an orgasm (I think)!
(Milly One, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 16:06, closed)

oh come on!
this didn't really happen, did it?
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 13:31, closed)

POIDH

(Scritty Bakerman., Wed 1 Jul 2009, 13:35, closed)

^
this
(Kip, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 14:21, closed)

You bell end...
*click*
( snee held his breath since, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:37, closed)

glass isn't like metal
unless you're in the arctic you wouldn't stick to it, certainly not instantly either! nonsense.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 14:03, closed)