Gah
I work in an inbound call centre for a large telecommunications company whose name rhymes with ET (and also used ET in some of their adverts way back when). As a quick aside, if any of you are having problems with the company and can't bare to talk to my retarded colleagues, gaz me and I'll try and sort it out as best I can.

Generally I'm pretty good, quick of wit and silver of tongue so most calls are relatively painless. If anyone opens their call by shouting at me I'll work to rule (the Data Protection Act is a fantastic thing to hide behind) but be nice to me and I'll bend over backwards to sort things out for you. It does make me laugh when people try and intimidate me though - they know my first name and the company I work for whereas I know far more about them!

Have a pearoast for now, while I get my stuff together and post some tales.

Customer phones in (as they generally do to call centres)
"Excuse me, do you sell a phone called Aqua?"
*searches on intranet*
"Yup, it's quite nice too."
"Oh good, what's it called?"
"....Aqua."

One of those moments where I feel like I've turned over two pages at once.

Then, later, I had a fellow phone up wanting to do a homemove - move his account to the new property. He interrupted my opening speil and ordered me not to put him on hold or transfer him elsewhere which pissed me off immediately, but I'm a professional (mostly) so gave him one more chance.
"Ok sure no problem sir, may I have your account number please?"
"I don't have my account number. Your colleague earlier found my details through searching for my phone number, use that."
"That may have been alright for just checking details, but to change anything on an account I would need your account number."

We're really hot on customer validation at the moment with one wrong move resulting in a disciplinary. You can generally bend the rules in exceptional circumstances, but I wasn't going to budge for this pillock. We carried on to-ing and fro-ing, with him trying to bully me into relenting (fat chance!) and calling me obstructive. By this time several of my colleagues had muted their customers and were listening in. Then came the crunch:
"Look, you don't wanna mess with me sonny. I know people who are scary you know!"
"You can't threaten me into bending the rules sir. I'm not willing to lose my job over this."
"You'd better watch your back - I know people who ride motorbikes!"
The fool.
"Sir, I am a person who rides a motorbike, and you know what? SO'S MY MOTHER!"

At which he hung up. My mum's not that scary, honest.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 22:36, 4 replies)

Don't do your job TOO well
or the company'll mothball your department. We used to deal with UKOperations8 in Cambridge, affectionately known in our office as "The 8 Team". Whatever you asked, they managed to get it done, where other departments would fail miserably.

So what happens? 8 Team gets mothballed and we end up dealing with a bunch of muppets who don't have a clue.
( eXOBeX, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 3:10, closed)

The
thing about phone ET is though, that you are not only in a queue for God only knows how long no matter what time of day you phone, you also tap your phone number in when asked, and then when you do eventually get to speak to a human you get asked it again.

I phoned only a few months ago, as my line had been cut off for me not paying the bill. Since moving here 6 months ago, I have not once received anything from BT apart from the initial 'welcome letter'.

That letter was thrown away at the time.

The woman was constantly telling me to look at a bill so I could get my customer number. A bill I haven't ever received.

This went around in circles for bloody ages.

Out of 6 months, I have had a phone for 3.

You can sort of understand why people get a little bit pissed off.
(dchurch bah, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 15:21, closed)

When I've called
I've always ended up speaking to Mumbai. I'm actually jealous of the people not speaking to "Bryyyennn Smeeeeeeeth" and getting to speak to english people! :P
(TheHBoxster is probably playing Beatles Rock Band on, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 12:12, closed)

is that like those YOUR MUM combacks but the wrong way round?
?
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:57, closed)