Equally relevant to this as to the last time I posted it
but I can't think of anything else, most of my stories (it being a call centre) relate to conversations and don't scan as well written down.

So a pearost it is!

Me (Rail ticket selling phone monkey): Good evening, how can I help?

Customer: I'd like to buy a train ticket please, I want the cheapest.

M: Certainly. Can I ask where you're travelling from and to?

C: Yes I want the cheapest ticket, I'm going from A to B. But I do want to buy the cheapest ticket.

M: No problem. Is it a single or a return?

C: Is a single cheaper than a return? I do want the cheapest ticket.

M: A single will be less than a return.

C: A single then. I want the cheapest ticket.

M: So you don't need to travel back from B to A by train?

C: Yes I do but I want the cheapest ticket.

M: Probably best to look at it as a return journey then.

C: But do it as 2 singles though, because that will be cheaper. I want the cheapest ticket.

M: *sigh* I know they are sir, but I can look at the journey for you as a whole.

C: As long as it's the cheapest ticket. I want to buy the cheapest ticket.

M: No problem. What dates and times would you prefer to travel?

C: The cheapest date. I want to buy the cheapest ticket.

M: I appreciate that sir, but it is a half hourly service between A and B for about 18 hours a day and we can book tickets up to about 3 months in advance.

C: When is it usually cheapest. I want to buy the cheapest ticket.

M: The further in advance you book, generally speaking it will cost less.

C: OK then I need to travel out (this date) and back on (that one), but I do want the cheapest ticket.

M: And what time on each day would you like to travel?

C: What's the cheapest time? It's the cheapest ticket I'm looking for.

M: The middle of the day will, as a rule generally cost less.

C: That's no good, I need to go out at (busiest time of day) and come back at (slap bang fucking sod in the middle of peak time). What is the cheapest ticket on those trains, because I want the cheapest ticket.

M: On those trains it would be £blah, however if you can travel at (slightly different time each way) then it would cost you £lowest-possible-price-that-money-can-buy.

C: And is that the cheapest.

M: Yes sir that is the cheapest.

C: You don't have anything cheaper? I want the cheapest ticket.

M: No sir, that is the cheapest.

C: Would it cost less if I travelled at a different time? I want to buy the cheapest ticket.

M: No sir. That is the lowest possible cost for a ticket for that journey.

C: Are any of the trains discounted? I am looking for the cheapest ticket.

M: No sir, that is the cheapest.

C: Could I save money on any of these tickets in any way. I want to buy the cheapest ticket.

M: *sigh again* No sir, that is the cheapest ticket.

C: I think I'll leave it, that's quite expensive.

M: Thank you sir, do call again.
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Sat 5 Sep 2009, 17:33, 5 replies)

Bottle that.
It's fucking gold mate.
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Tue 8 Sep 2009, 14:03, closed)

I'm surprised
you didn't get the urge to reach through the phonelines and strangle the fucker!! Sheeeiit!!
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 16:14, closed)

Or the Japanese tourist I encountered recently who had discovered some prints (£3) that somebody must have dropped in the next door box which was old postcards (15p) and when being told they were £3 each (cheap, as prints can easily go £20 to £30)and not 15p decided to leave them as they were a bit expensive. He probably went looking for a three course lunch for a pound.
(Benzyl, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 20:30, closed)

To be fair....
the vast majority of punters are fine, they ask how much it is, I tell them, they either buy it or don't and hang up. This type of customer (btw it generally appears to be the "orthodox" portion of a specific ethnic group noted/reputed/rumoured/famous for their fiscal prudence who are the notable majority of culprits) are fortunately not that common.
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Wed 9 Sep 2009, 5:07, closed)