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This is a question Cars

"Here in my car", said 80s pop hero Gary Numan, "I feel safest of all". He obviously never shared the same stretch of road as me, then. Automotive tales of mirth and woe, please.

(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:34)
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Hey, kids! Want to know something REALLY cool about cars?
High school kids, specifically. You know how cars are nice and soft and comfortable on the inside? Warm and snug places where music can be played and mummy or daddy can ferry you around to your spotty little heart’s content because you’re utterly incapable of getting the bus on your own?

Well, I’ll let you into a little secret. The outside bit of a car is hard. Hurty hard, in fact, because they tend to be made of some kind of metal and stuff. I’m not an expert, but I am told that being hit by one moving at a speed in excess of 20 miles an hour might not be the most pleasurable experience you’ve ever had. Certainly not in the same league as that time you caught a peek of the fit English teacher's nipples poking through her sheer white blouse. So the next time you decide to step straight out into the road in front of me on your daily walk to school, don’t scowl at me for slamming the brakes on and sounding the horn, because I’ve actually done you a favour by not smashing into your scrawny, saggy-trousered, i-pod wearing frame.

Fucking idiots. The future of Britain? Jesus.
(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:58, 6 replies)
But if you hit them
it's natural selection!
(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 13:04, closed)
Another little known fact
I'm sure it's the law that if your horn sounds for more then 5 seconds, and they don't get out of the way, you're not just legally, but almost obliged to run them over.
True. I read it on t'internet.
This very page, actually.
(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 13:25, closed)
Ooh, I'll remember that in future.
The temptation to just drive slowly through the crowd of adolescent arse-wipes is palpable some mornings.
(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 13:35, closed)
Many moons ago
Some kids were playing silly buggers near Lee Valley ice rink, jumping in front of cars as they entered the car park.
One did it to me, so I pressed the clutch down and revved my engine, as if I was going to run him over.

Unfortunately, he almost shat himself, and fell over. Me with one foot on the clutch, the other on the accelerator didn't have time to get to the brakes, as I coasted towards him.

Just missed the bugger by a couple of inches.
(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 14:46, closed)
Of course, I wouldn't actually do this.
But I am allowed the odd daydream about it.
(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 15:11, closed)

The little fucks round here do it on purpose, whilst affecting that 'I'm a double hard gangsta' walk. I even had one shake his little fist at me the other day. I'd dearly love to clip one just to show them that no matter how hard they think they are, my front bumper is harder, but I'd only have to spend all day dictating a statement about it to some semi-literate copper, and who needs that?
(, Sat 24 Apr 2010, 2:44, closed)

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