Caught in adulthood having a spot of ladies' cocoa (slight pearoast)
Most of us have been caught in the act of ultimate self-indulgence - by a parent / carer / proper grown-up at one time or another. Usually in our teens. Being interminably late for everything, I didn't discover the joys of creamy self love 'til I hit 20 - cue the purchase of my first vibrator. It was hearing-aid beige and ribbed from root to tip. Hours and hours ON END of this fantastic new pleasure spent I; until it went for a shit.

Being an electrician's daughter, I had half an idea what might have gone wrong with my favourite toy. Having already left home, I conjured up some lame excuse of wanting to catch up with my folks - why not make a night of it and sleep over? I waited until both parents had hit the sack - gave them half an hour to doze off - then went in search of my old man's soldering iron. I found it in the cubby hole, together with the solder and the bit resin stuff. Brimming with confidence in my Mad Soldering Skilz, I set about the minor surgical procedure.

Scalpel to the BOTTOM END, rotating 45 degrees.........
Expansion clamps in situ...........

Solder/surgery complete success. I bandaged the gaping wound with thick black NCB insulating tape (very fetching).

I tentatively turned the end, not sure what reaction to expect.....
My beloved beige bell end sprang into life, growling Aston Martin DB9 style. Eager to perform a test drive, yet anxious not to push my luck with the sleeping household, prudent methinks, to bide my time.......

Thus, I stole myself to procrastinate. Proper grown-up-getty-up time the following morning, both parents exit to Downstairs. Hoofuckingray! Nobody within earshot.

Jeremy Clarkson is about to test drive the DB9...
The powerful engine springs into life (all 0.28 horsepower of it).
Young Tourettes is literally in the throes of passion - ribbed rubber ruminator is doing it's thing.........

Ooooooooooooohhhhhhh....
aaaarrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
MMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........
Yeah-yeah-yeah-oh-my-fucking-sweet-jesus....
pant-pant-pant-sniff-pant-etc.

My mother enters the room, or more accurately, what USED to be my room. Tis now the spare room.

This is what she says.........

"I was about to go up the street for a bit of shopping.
I was wondering if you'd like to come.........????"
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 7 Jun 2010, 17:27, 6 replies)

Hehe!
Now having met your mum, this story is even funnier.
( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Jun 2010, 19:18, closed)

This was 20 years ago - I wonder if she even remembers...
I can still vividly remember the look of abject horror and digust on her face :o(
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 7 Jun 2010, 19:23, closed)

Oh, she remembers
She definitely remembers.
( Ghoti Fingers, Mon 7 Jun 2010, 22:53, closed)

Ooooooh yes, She's deffo gonna remember that one!
LOLtastic to the max, m'dear.
The attention to detail is fantastic, NCB tape, cubby hole, all so evocative...

clicky.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 7 Jun 2010, 23:49, closed)

your mum!
Yes - similarly here - however you mum's obviously in awe of your technical skill.
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:33, closed)

ladies cocoa
not a euphamism i'm familiar with.
thanks, i'll be using it again.
(untitled, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 8:12, closed)