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HoratioFellatio writes:
"At the tender age of 13, my little hairless clockweights squirted their first dose of testosterone into my blood stream. The result was a mental alarm clock shouting, 'I NEED TO LOOK AT GIRL'S FANNIES.' I reasoned that if I became a Gynaecologist, I'd get to look at fannies all day.
"It was only when I reached the age of about 16 and learnt about STD's and yeast infections that I realised I'd only ever get to see diseased ones."
Tell us about your childhood career ambitions and the moment at which your aspirations crumbled into a pile of broken dreams.
( , Thu 29 Mar 2007, 12:02)
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It was a time when those with old films with Michael York and Oliver Reed played on TV frequently on Saturday mornings. They made life look great. A non stop circus of almost playful swordfights, confrontation with evil men from the church, easy heroism, large jugs of red wine and plenty of buxom women with few morals. Obviously, I would need to train to achieve my goal and earn my frilly shirt and sword.
Picture a nine year old with very little co-ordination skills practising all the things I thought was important to be a musketeer.
Swordskills: Me with a bamboo cane against the trees. They never fell, but by gosh, did they get some feeble, whippy punishment.
Swinging from things: In all the films, it appeard any fight would be in a stalemate until at least one of the good guys had dramatically swung from something across the area of combat, knocking over a good number of baddies. One peice of frayed, discarded tow-rope, tied to a nearby tree/fencing opponent later and I was swinging (obviously in the orginal sense of the word)like a bamboo carrying Tarzan.
The wine drinking was practised with Ribena, and I would have to wait a painful amount of years before my first experience with a willing big boobed woman.
I didn't realise at the time, due to the English accents in the film, that I wasn't really French enough to be a musketeer, a thin sword was no real opposition to a modern gun in a combat situation, a camp frilly shirt and boots that borderd transvestism wouldn't act as effective body armour and I was about 400 years too late.
Oh well, fun while it lasted.
Click 'I Like This' if you still think that bastard Cardinal Richilieu needs to be taught a lesson.
( , Fri 30 Mar 2007, 14:20, Reply)
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