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This is a question Childhood Ambitions

HoratioFellatio writes:
"At the tender age of 13, my little hairless clockweights squirted their first dose of testosterone into my blood stream. The result was a mental alarm clock shouting, 'I NEED TO LOOK AT GIRL'S FANNIES.' I reasoned that if I became a Gynaecologist, I'd get to look at fannies all day.

"It was only when I reached the age of about 16 and learnt about STD's and yeast infections that I realised I'd only ever get to see diseased ones."

Tell us about your childhood career ambitions and the moment at which your aspirations crumbled into a pile of broken dreams.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2007, 12:02)
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This question is now closed.

Would holding a trumpet mid plummet maintain a steady note or would it sound like a spazzy Stuka dive bomber?

The right choice of musical instrument would add a moody edge to your demise, if you're stout of frame then an tuba might give better warning of the extent of impending splatteredness, while Jazz fans might prefer a clarinet.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 14:45, Reply)
Whoopie cushions
PJM, this made me laugh like a mong in the middle of my office whilst I'm supposed to be working.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 14:24, Reply)
Good call!
Perhaps a whoopee cushion strapped to each foot might make an amusing sound upon touchdown?

I can hear it now:

paaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRPPPPP! PARP! ker-SPLAT!

It would sound like my ex missus post curry.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 14:21, Reply)
I intend
to jump off a very high building. Whilst holding a trumpet - the resulting wheee sound from said trumpet will act as a warning to the pedestrians below ..
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 14:19, Reply)
Chocolate induced death
My friend has decided once that she wanted to die of a chocolate overdose. However apparently when you drown you orgasm before you die so she now wants to drown in chocolate, I think I might join her if i ever feel sucidal!
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 14:17, Reply)
In the words of Woody Allen

"It's not that I'm actually afraid of death, but I don't want to be there when it happens".

I can see la fluffles' point as given the choice most of us would rather be fellated to death at a time of our choosing as opposed to being unexpectedly splattered by a bus in a most undignified fashion and leaving thus giving control to one's mortality to a hung over bus driver.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 14:11, Reply)
imminent death
I am sitting on a throne fashioned from semtex. If the topic doesn't change soon, I'm going to trigger it. Did I mention that I have strapped 15 baby kittens to it?
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 14:09, Reply)
I figured that I'd die in my car - that way it's my fault and it's all ME.

However, my family history suggests that I'm due to die of a massive coronary right about now.....
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 14:09, Reply)
When I was little
I always thought I'd end up killing myself. Not because I was particularly depressed, but because I wanted to have control over the circumstances of my own death. I was such a control freak I couldn't stand the idea of anybody else, be them other people or all-powerful deities, lording it over my own mortality.

Child psychologist? What child psychologist?
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 14:07, Reply)
Now if we're getting morbid...
There's always the Monty Python idea where the condemned man gets to chose his own method of execution, in this case being chased over the edge of a cliff by a gang of angry and partly clad ladies all jiggling about a-gogo.

Wasn't there an ex PM of France who allegedly conked out while being fellated by his secretary?

(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 13:34, Reply)
My very earliest childhood ambition, I've just remembered
Was to die by crushing. Preferably by being run over by a train, or a lorry.

I think I may have been a masochist even at that young age.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 13:24, Reply)
I've lost the will to live now.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 12:52, Reply)
I have no ambitions, due to a rare disability

which gives me the mental age of a two-year old genius whose mental age is the same as my actual age.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 12:50, Reply)
I've often wondered
How it feels to be blown up by a fragmentation grenade. Usually about this time on a Thursday.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 12:49, Reply)
I'm not a glutton for pain, but I used to wonder what it'd feel like to touch a live wire in the house.

It tingles actually.

I did it by accident once and went "oo" - So I did the typical man-thing and touched it again "ooooo" - And once more just to double check "OoooooowwwwWWWW!!"

I held on the last time I did it.

Yes, it was stupid.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 12:35, Reply)
Another thing
I've sometimes wondered how much it would hurt to jump in front of a speeding train.

I'm being serious you know....
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 12:33, Reply)
My cousin
Wants to be an 'outsourced telephonist' so he call call me when I'm just putting the first forkful of food in my mouth and tell me "Halloo, my name be Regi-nald. Are you needing any mobile phone requirements?"

He has the mental age of a two year old.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 12:22, Reply)
self pity!!
I always wanted the courage to just ask pretty girls out instead of getting mortal and gawping at them like a mong and then insisting to my mates that I was, indeed, 'well in there'.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 12:13, Reply)
dive dive dive
actually i have always really, really wanted to drive my car off a pier into the sea.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 12:08, Reply)
Not so much an ambition
But I always wondered what it'd feel like if I drove my car into the path of an lorry.

I've always wondered that - what, haven't you?
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 12:06, Reply)
My little brother now 14.
Always wanted to be able to touch lightbulbs. He now loves it when I mention this, and point out that he has achieved his great life goal.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 11:23, Reply)
Lacking in logic.
When I was 3-4 years old i really wanted to be a cleaner. Why? Because I wanted to work at my nursery school so that I could play with my friends all day.
It took far to long for me to understand why it made my dad giggle.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 10:29, Reply)
At school, and growing up i wanted to be a spaceman. However, since leaving school i've been a draughtsman, mechnical engineer, soldier, air conditioning installer, fire alarm installer, barman, bloody student, waiter, sous chef, restaurant manager, scuba instructor, english teacher, extra, portrait photographer, helpdesk monkey, and currently sysadmin.
I'm 38 now, but i suspect it's only a matter of time before i actually get round to spaceman.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 9:44, Reply)
Now an adult,
my ambitions have shrunk so much that all I want, to feel fulfilled, is the first post on a new QOTW.

Even in that, I know I'll fail.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 7:09, Reply)
Childhood Ambitions
I fantasized about being a conker. I dreamed of being a three hundred and forty seven'er and even went as far as bathing in vinegar, spending a week in the airing cupboard and coating my bollox in tipex.
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 0:15, Reply)
The infant school career challenge
When I was about seven we all had to do the "When I grow up I want to be a...", 'cept at seven we basically were only aware of teachers and policemen. So I dutifully wrote "I want to be a teacher", not least cause my Mum was one, but knowing that I probably didn't want to be a teacher even then.

Sadly twenty-one years later I can still say "When I grow up, I don't know what I want to be. Can I go out and play in the sandpit now?"
(, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 0:07, Reply)
A pilot
As I stated earlier in this QOTW, I wanted in the worst way to be a pilot. So I went to military college and suffered through the hazing and nightmares of being a cadet in the American Southeast.

Then, when it came time to ship off to flight school there was a delay. They said "Lieutenant, you can either wait a LOOOONG time or pick another MOS" (*Military Operational Specialty) and I said "Screw that, lets go with inteligence!"

So years later, some of my best friends fly Vipers (F-16s) for the US Air Force. And to be honest, I think I made the right choice:

These are adult males and all they do is 1) fly 2) drink 3) talk about flying, and 3a) drink more...

Fooksocks. I made the wrong choice, didnt I?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2007, 23:40, Reply)
i wanted to be a spacker
(, Wed 4 Apr 2007, 16:42, Reply)
Plan A
As a small and pampered little girl I was allowed sweets only at weekends and chips about twice a year. I then very practically decided that when I grew up I would probably work in (or own) the local sweetshop. Then I could eat all the sweets all day long.

I further intended to balance my diet by marrying the fat italian in the chip shop next door to my sweetshop (the very exotically named Angelos) so I could then have chips for my tea every night.

Sadly being an adult and getting more boring by the day has meant that the thoughts of sweets and/or chips now makes me sick. I wish I could go back to a time when a bag of stinky chips made me so wildly happy.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2007, 16:21, Reply)

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