SULKING
A great man once said: Most men find sex a frustrating hobby.

I tend to agree. Recently the good lady and I went on a night out. Drinking, dancing, arsing about – all good fun. As the night progressed my good lady started whispering complete and utter filth in my shell-like, the sort of stuff that would make a porn star blush and a randy mechant sailor run crying for his mummy. There was heavy emphasis on clits, suspenders, licking sweat off tits, and even the mention of some backdoor shenaningans. You could say I was well up for this.

After a few hours of hobbling round with a lazy lob on, my balls bluer than a couple of smurfs in a hammock, the good lady and I went back to the flat. Bit of kissing on the bed. The patent pending reach-round to have a go on her fur flaps through her knickers, and then something bloody awful happened. She was so fucking pissed she fell asleep. I gave her a friendly nudge, then a friendly slap, was considering a friendly punch but thought this would be taking it a little too far. So I stripped her down and put the duvet over her and stalked off to watch a bit of TV and sink a few more beers – I would definately not be sinking the pink torpedoe anywhere near her meaty Bismark tonight, not a fucking chance.

Apparently the next morning when the girlfriend came awake I was being a little childish. I was having what child psycologists might call ‘a bit of a paddy-bender attack’. I was sulking. Bottom lip stuck out, arms crossed, being a complete and utter fucking cunty fuckwit. Things were said that shouldn’t have been said.

Fastforward to our latest visit to the fertitliy doctors, we have a great meeting with the friendly old fella who’s helping knock my girlfriend up (by giving advice and drugs, not a sneaky meat injection behind the examination curtains), and when it gets to the any other questions part, my girlfriend says:

“As a matter of fact, doctor – something came up the other night. Just wonder if you could clarify something for us.” I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. I tend to have the human memory equivalent of a goldfish with alzheimer’s. “Is it in fact possible that a man can die if he gets sexually excited and doesn’t ejaculate?”

The doctor stared for a beat, then said: “No, that’s nonsense.”

My girlfriend turned to me and with a grin said: “See. I told you you were making that up.”

So if you’re on a promise and that promise ends up face down asleep after one too many Jack Daniel and cokes, don’t act like a fucking child. Do the decent, honorable, normal thing and have a quick wank instead.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:15, 8 replies)

He He
Laughed at that and also clicked

I feel your pain my friend and have too been sulky when my ladyfriend has passed out after offering promises of filth.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:21, closed)

but
you _are_ going to die...

... as are we all.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:26, closed)

Yes indeed...
...right over her head.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 22 Sep 2009, 16:30, closed)

Ah...
we've all been there - both the frustrated and the comatose.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 19:09, closed)

^^You Know..
She's right! Had an ex pass out cold on my back once..bastard, I was stuck for ages, 'cos he was bigger than me!
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 21:29, closed)

I once told an ex
If I pass out, carry on.
I was drunk, but he took me at my word
As i realised in the morning, when i rather tongue in cheek asked him how it was
'Best ever babe' he replies

I think i should have been insulted but just giggled
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 22:49, closed)

Quick wank?
Unless you are trying for a sprog - then don't waste those lil'troopers on the linen.
(Biff..., Tue 22 Sep 2009, 23:12, closed)

" I would definately not be sinking the pink torpedoe anywhere near her meaty Bismark tonight"
Awesome. *click*
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Wed 23 Sep 2009, 10:53, closed)