I once got a job
cleaning up at a crematorium. The furnace had malfunctioned and spread soot all over the place, and yours truly had to scrub off other peoples loved ones off the walls. They had already fixed the blocked vents or whatever the problem was, so while I was there they sent two dearly departed to their final rest. Also I learned one thing, not everything of you get incinerated at this procedure. The caretaker at this particular crematorium actually had a bucket where he collected the leftover bones, for further processing in a big fucking grinder. Just something to think about if you are considering a fiery last goodbye...
(Rebooted Frazer Smoothly scrolling since, Fri 2 Sep 2011, 20:47, 9 replies)

Why?
I'll be dead.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 2 Sep 2011, 21:26, closed)

Indeed
but I know some people worry about this. Fuck knows why, but they do.
(Rebooted Frazer Smoothly scrolling since, Fri 2 Sep 2011, 21:29, closed)

Sister in law
Is a fully qualified cremater she has an NVQ in it or something.

They also pick out all the titanium bits etc.
(BiggestNizzy your company name here pm for rates., Sat 3 Sep 2011, 11:39, closed)

Worse, much worse...
www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-14114555
(MrBiscuits, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:52, closed)

Hell yes!
This I'm gonna go for when my time comes. And demand to be served, mixed with kahlua and vodka, as refreshments at my own funeral. And after that be delivered to my own grave in an inappropriate but hilarious way.
(Rebooted Frazer Smoothly scrolling since, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 19:50, closed)

These sound good
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14730131
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Sat 3 Sep 2011, 21:38, closed)

Probably slept wrong
But that bone crusher is a cremulator. Bones won't burn, they need to be ground down. For best crem disaster results then make sure the deceased has a pace maker left in. You'll be cleaning the car park not just the room.
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Sun 4 Sep 2011, 11:59, closed)

Worse
Here in Denmark, the heat from the crematorium is sent back to the district heating system. So don't get cremated if you don't want to come out someones radiator.
(Robotnik, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:50, closed)

I've heard of similar schemes in the UK.
Redditch had a proposal to heat a swimming pool with waste heat from the crematorium. Enough people went nuts about it to make sure the scheme hit the headlines, but as far as I know they're still going ahead. Seems stupid really, to let the heat go to waste. I suppose the motto there is "don't get cremated if you don't want to get widdled on by toddlers", or something.
(richardm, Tue 6 Sep 2011, 13:58, closed)