The Doug
(pronounced 'The Doog', his name was actually John Douglas)

He was essentially a tramp. Quite a sad story behind this man, as a child I would be scared of him. Often drunk, always homeless, always getting up to mischief in and around the church. Including in Masses.

I remember one day in church with my mum, when there was a loud bang at the back of the church. Shouting, then in the middle of one of the readings, the doug appeared in the main ailse. This was a packed Sunday morning mass. Everyone cranked their heads to see who it was, and quickly realising.

He then proceeded to run down the ailse, culminating in a 10 pin bowling ball action in front of the ailse down onto one knee. Then swivveled stood up , raised his hands in the air and shouted, howzat!

The old men who run the church quickly lept out of their seats and ushered him outside with hands under his armpits.

He wasnt allowed back.

On a slightly nicer note though, the church goers would always keep an eye out to help John. and would often get a notice read out if he was in bad health... until one day. He died.

There was even a mass in his name.

Then... 2 years later...

he was alive again. he then lived for a further 2 years, before again, word got around that he had died.

And another notice was read out in mass, they all prayed.

Until 18 months later. He was spotted in town drunk, and with a hunch on his back.

Im not sure where he is now, I remember seeing him in the pub a few years back someone had bought him a half.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 13:36, 8 replies)

Sounds like he was a sandwich short of a picknick also.
Everyone knows you should "STERIIiiiiiiIIKEEE!" when you're ten-pin bowling.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:15, closed)

When i was a kid
we all thought just that - about him being crazy.

As we got older, we realised he was a tormented soul. Society had beaten him down long before we came across him. The full story behind his life is too long to put in here, but is an extremely sad one.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:39, closed)

Surely he was just bowling underarm?

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 6 Sep 2011, 9:20, closed)

that's nice except my pedantry is going bleeeee at the word "ailse"
"aisle" - i know it's a tricky one. but "aisle".
( sleepybinky, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:46, closed)

You shouldn't let your pedantry alarm go off for typos
Or probable typos.

Oh wait - three times? This guy's a monster!
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:52, closed)

blame 50% on Outlook spell checker...
its partly to blame.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:24, closed)

A poor, slightly crazy guy
who disrupted worship, who you were supposed to pray for and who came back from the dead?

I don't want to alarm you, but I think he was Jesus.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 6 Sep 2011, 0:11, closed)

Ive said this for years
he could quite possibly be the next messiah.

But at the moment, he is just seen as the crazy dude.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 6 Sep 2011, 9:48, closed)