Common, you say?
Let me tell you a story.

The sweary one and I have had some fairly extensive renovation work done on our flat. Finding a builder was a bit of a hassle, but we managed. They turned up at the start of the summer holidays and the work lasted most of the 6 weeks, during which time we lived in a bomb site and had no kitchen for three weeks. Cue lots of takeaways and 'living room picnics'.

Anyhoo, the lads doing the work were mostly a canny bunch. Their gaffer was a bit of sheister and kept 'nipping off to collect some materials', usually entailing a three hour disappearing act and returning miraculously just as the kettle had boiled or the bacon butties had been suggested. I'm reliably informed that these disappearing acts did have some relevance to building work as he'd just got back with his ex and actually kept nipping away to check that his tool was still in prime working order. I think filling holes was on the agenda as well.

That said, we got on well with the other two lads, to the point where one of them invited us to a barbecue at his place. Yeah, we thought, why not? He's a decent bloke, we get on and have a laugh. The fact that he actually had done most of the graft endeared him to us as well. And so off we went one rainy Friday night. When we arrived, our host was hard at work over a hot stove, so to speak. The gaffer was there for a short while but buggered off early; as was the other (an apprentice) and his missus. Clearly getting very drunk on cheap vodka and Irn Bru.

We were introduced to apprentice's wife, and she made a point of telling us, in no small detail, what a screwed up fuckwit she had been when younger, but how her beloved apprentice had made her whole again and able to love. This whilst still swigging pints of vodka and Irn Bru and systematically trying her hardest to stop her jeans from displaying any more than 8 inches of arse crack or getting her bra to keep her tits in just above her nipples.

So, I'm not drinking as I'm driving, and watching all these people getting progressivly more drunk. Our nice, friendly builder has his eldest daughter there - a bonny lass of 17, absolutely tiny and looking more like she was 13. She's obviously met the apprentice and his missus before, and as the evening draws on, apprentice is getting to the alcohol-fuelled "I love everyone here, you's is all me mates" stage. Which involves lots of hugging of people in the garden.

Including our host's eldest daughter, just as his missus is returning from the kitchen with a freshly refilled pint of vodka and Irn Bru. On spotting her beloved hubby cuddling the girl, she flew into an apopleptic rage and hurled the pint over him - which also happened to land of most of the other people standing in the garden. Then she shoved her 'beloved saviour' to the ground and started raining blow upon blow upon him, before proceeding to stamp on his head. And his bollocks.

It wasn't a pretty sight.

In between raining blows upon her husband, she turned her attention to our host's daughter - remember I said she was tiny - and shoved her, hard, onto the steps leading up to the kitchen, wherupon the poor kid slipped backwards off the steps, under the railing and against the table that had been set up for the food, before she turned her attention back to her husband who was by now lying inert on the ground, covered in mud and vodka.

This probably all happened in the space of a few seconds before people managed to drag her off and into the house, her jeans still hanging around her acne-riddled arse and her tits still miraculously inside her bra.

It's fair to say that all hell was breaking loose by this point. The worst of it was that there were young kids present, including Sweary Junior. Our host was profusely apologetic about the whole thing - which was hardly his fault.

It was a night to remember for all the wrong reasons. So yeah, you can tell that someone is common when they pick a full on battle with their spouse in someone else's house and assault their host's daughter.

It was grim. Really fucking grim.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 18:54, 7 replies)

Finally
a post worthy of multiple clickage-ing.

*multiply clickages*
( Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 18:59, closed)

wow
i didn't know you could click more than once! have 2 clicks on me!
(rosie-pie, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 23:03, closed)

Deja Vu
I had a serious case of deja vu reading this story... is it a pearoast?
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 10:08, closed)

Sort of
I think I posted a truncated version as a reply to another post a few weeks back.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 11:54, closed)

ahhhh
That explains it then! Still, fucking grim story, mate... That woman wants locking up. I hope she got hers after!
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 13:47, closed)

Unfortunately
Her husband left her, got a flat, and then went back to her. Within a couple of days he turned up for work, battered and blue with scratch marks all over and the biggest bruise I have ever seen on his arm.

It's a regular occurrence, apparently. He's a decent lad as well. But she's an utter psycho and needs locking up, for sure.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:43, closed)

much clicks. Pleased you got the work sorted out.

Twicey
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 14:02, closed)