if you like her,
the best thing to do is be honest and write her a long email. Say its your fault for being on the fence, ask her that if there still is a chance, she'll consider having a relationship with you, at least she can choose whether or not to be with the other guy and if she truely doesn't feel right with him, she can break up with him, again it's up to her, ask here if she does consider to go out with you, let her make the decision to break off with the other guy and take her out on a romantic meal.
( schizophrenic_sheep, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 8:43, 1 reply)

Thank you
Thank you very much for replying. I love that random strangers on the internet can take time to empathise and give advice.

I have made it very clear to her that I want her to go out with me.

Her response was that she had always worried that if she moved on I would come back; but that friends had told her that, if she did move on, when I came back she wouldn't care. She said her friends were right. She feels sad that I am unhappy, but she really likes this new guy.

I'm trying my best to remain close to her (very hard for me at the moment) and in the (seemingly very, very, unlikely) event that she doesn't end up in a serious relationship with the guy, hope that I will be there for her.

What makes it harder is that, as she was new in town when I met her, I introduced her to all my friends, with whom she is also now friends. This new guy is friends of one of our mutual friends. Even if I wanted to and were strong enough to, I couldn't just cut her off to get some distance.
(ComplexStuff Was confused by life on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 8:57, closed)

I know what you mean
one of my ex's broke up with me after 3 months and started to flirt around with someone i knew. The only thing i could say is that whatever you do, don't slag off about the other man, you'll always regret it later, as i know what i said in the past was petty, jealous talk. Make an effort to look gorgeous, fitter, more fun to be around and social to other women, if she doesn't get the message that you're available, someone else will.
( schizophrenic_sheep, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:01, closed)

This is a troubling case. 10 steps to save your masculinity
There is exists a clear plan which will give you a good chance of getting her back, infinitely better than your efforts thus far, which have been at best, ham-fisted, if not special needs.

I warn you, this does work, but you will need to get your emotions under control asap, and flush your conscience down the drain.

Here are the steps, but for the love of all that is holy, don't tell her that you're in love with her. Only beaten by 'have you met jesus' in the league of statements likely to make a woman cool her jets.

1. Ring her, apologise for messing her around, and wish her the best of luck with the new relationship, say that you hope that the two of you can be friends. Hang up within three minutes - no exceptions.

2. Drink a few bottles of whiskey, muscatel or whatever your poison. Optional, but a good idea anyway. Sort yourself the fuck out. Convince yourself of the truth of what you said at step 1. (NB this is a plan to achieve the complete opposite, but you have to be at least able to accept that it might not happen).

3. Empty your environment of her. Delete her number. If you bump into her, be cool. BE COOL. And civil and stuff, but keep it to a minimum.

5. Do fuck all else. Don't contact her at all.

6. Go hump a few fat ugly birds. It'll be a diversion at least, and will keep you away from fiddling with yourself, which is a mug's game.

7. Try to get a proper date with someone who could, on paper at least, pass for relationship material. Ideally, this should be someone she should know, and dislike. It'd be great if she heard about this. Timing will be crucial. Don't shag her competition, just take her out, and show her a good time. Perhaps drop the hand, but nothing serious.

8. Grow a pair.

9. By this stage, you may have heard from her. She will want to chat, and meet up etc. but what she is really looking for is emotional comfort - don't give it to her. Be nice, but treat her as you would a male friend,

10. Meet up with her eventually, at a time and a place of your own choosing. Conversationally, don't avoid the talk of her new dude. Ask about him. 'he sounds like a nice guy'. This is crucial - if she complains about him, stick up for him. Explain away his behaviour as him being totally in love with her ('he's never met anyone like you before' etc.) The idea is to take away his mystique, make him a normal guy. You say he's a dickhead, he probably is, but that's what makes him a challenge to her - it keeps her interested. You have to make him normal.

By this stage, if you have pulled this 'getting over you, moving on' act well enough, she will be confused by you, and also miss the emotional support that you used to give her. Plus, you will have sown some seeds of doubt about her new man. It should be a cakewalk from there, but it requires balls and a bit of manipulation. Clarke Hazarde cannot guarantee that it will work, but it will do you a darn sight better than spilling your guts which is a surefire way of never getting to sex her again.
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 19:49, closed)