you shouldn't do that to an apple!
having a bit of a drinking and minor drugs session in my mate's house a few years ago, when my then-boyfriend, Creepy Thin Man, showed up. he was also a friend of my friend, so she let him in and gave him a drink.
as conversation was flowing quite well, nobody noticed him sticking a dvd into the machine.
until it started to play.
one by one, people stopped talking and stared at the screen, watching the naked woman shown thereon shoving an apple up her mimsy, popping it out again and taking a bite, before repeating the whole process. this definitely dropped an iron girder onto the train tracks of our conversations.
strangely, Creepy Thin Man wasn't invited back after that.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:34, 21 replies)

There's never a good time to put porn on in a mixed social situation.
Who knew?
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:38, closed)

not him, clearly

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:44, closed)

:) He, he. Indeedy.

(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:49, closed)

An Apple?
Insert bad Cox's Pippin joke here.
(f_rev, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:43, closed)

just glad it wasn't a granny smith

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:44, closed)

What type of apple was it?

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:47, closed)

a fishy one?
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:49, closed)

A crab apple perhaps?

( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 12 May 2011, 18:18, closed)

don't know
but i wouldn't eat it.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:51, closed)

I would have selected a Toffee Apple
as the stick would have facilitated the insertion and removal process.
( brown-wings Made with three kinds of butter, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:05, closed)

Actually on second thoughts
I do have childhood memories of the stick coming out of a toffee apple whilst eating it, so maybe a bad choice.
( brown-wings Made with three kinds of butter, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:06, closed)

she did have impressive muscular control

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:11, closed)

A Pink Lady?
ooer fnarr fnarr etc.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:22, closed)

There's worse things to shove up your vag for money.

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:23, closed)

well, yes
but i wouldn't want to eat any of those, either
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 12 May 2011, 17:24, closed)

Wouldn't the apple juice sting like a bitch?

( clockworkrat has nice pants, Thu 12 May 2011, 23:40, closed)

fuck knows
she seemed to be enjoying it
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 13 May 2011, 16:12, closed)

So why is he no longer your boyfriend?

( flake has nothing against your right leg, Fri 13 May 2011, 1:48, closed)

because he's a massive prick
who, sadly, does not have a massive prick.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 13 May 2011, 16:11, closed)

But those two descriptions apply to me.
Am I your ex-boyfriend?
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Sat 14 May 2011, 0:57, closed)

no
you're still alive
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 17 May 2011, 16:24, closed)