Babytalk
I'd met my best friend Lisa for lunch one afternoon years ago, and invited two of my work colleagues along to meet her. Having told my colleagues earlier that Lisa was pregnant with her first child, I warned them both that - while she and her partner were over the moon - it was fairly early stages still and they weren't telling everyone just yet, so asked my colleagues kindly not to mention their knowledge of the pregnancy until Lisa brought it up herself.

Over lunch Colleague no.1, my good friend Carl, never being the brightest sandwich in the rocket salad but usually the life and soul, was uncharacteristically shy and quiet to begin with. Upon inspecting his face closer however - and knowing Carl is generally unable to hold his own piss - I soon identified the cause of his subduedness, fancying I could almost read the internal dialogue on loop flashing in neon letters across his brain: "DON'T MENTION THE BABY DON'T MENTION THE BABY DON'T MENTION THE BABY" while his eyes flitted from his plate to Lisa's belly to his napkin to Lisa's belly.

The conversation duly moved on the topic of worklife and jobs, and here Carl's face lights up as he spies an opportunity to contribute his twopence worth (tuppence, teehee!) on the subject, opening his mouth to speak.

"...I know what you mean. Once I nearly lost my baby. ....JOB! I MEANT JOB!!!"

Silence. Mortified looks. Cringing front-bums shrivelling inwards like a prodded snail. Luckily Lisa found the funny side, spitting her drink out laughing. Before reassuring Carl that he hadn't inadvertently caused any future damage to the baby by being daft.

It was only a few years later, colleague no.2 having moved up the dizzy ranks of success to become the current Mr DBS, we both found ourselves sat in Lisa's kitchen enjoying a brew and congratulating her on the news that she was newly pregnant with her second child. Mr DBS, making a rubbish joke in the vein of Alan Partridge along the lines of him not believing she was telling the truth as he knew how much she enjoyed skiving off work for 9 months the last time, finished by mock exclaiming "is that blood down your inside leg??"

A conversation killer in its own right, I think you'll agree. A shocked silence almost ensued, if it weren't interrupted by him unnecessarily trying to clarify with: "...oh GOD, I meant I can see your PERIOD and you were lying! Not that you've MISCARRI....um...ohhhh."


Luckily, Lisa is still my friend. Though she isn't planning any more children.
(DBS, Tue 17 May 2011, 16:41, 2 replies)

Shockingly bad, both of them! Cringe cringe!
(Bergamot B , has not been to the office since, Tue 17 May 2011, 23:30, closed)

Click.
Amazing. Absolutely breathtaking stupidity. Actually sounds alot like some thing I would do/have done.
(Document Pocket, Wed 18 May 2011, 14:18, closed)