Child bride
My mate,erm, "Dodger", came round to our flat once to introduce us to his new girlfriend. Proudly, he showed her in. My girlfriends and my jaws collectively hit the ground as we saw what was plainly obviously a 12 year old. "Dodge" was 27.

His first words, "no she's 18, I've seen her driving licence, go on show them...". She did as well. She had just turned 18. But we couldnt stop staring, she just looked so young.

My girlfriend went off to make drinks, I stayed in the awkwardness that was the lounge. After a few minutes talking, I noticed the childwoman had migrated to another table, and was busy playing with something, entertaining herself.

My girlfriend returned with a tray, with 3 cups of tea, and a glass of orange squash. She set out the tea, and without missing a beat, went over the to the girl, crouched down and handed her the glass. Without missing a beat she said, "there you go. Would you like some colouring books and crayons?" in her best talking-to-children voice.

I cracked up, couldnt take it. Dodge grabbed the girl and they left. We were pissing ourselves for ages. Then we called the pigs.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:26, 47 replies)

Ah, that made me laugh.
Nicely done, sir. Kudos to your girlfriend and clicks to you.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:28, closed)

Ha ha!
*clicks* for the last line alone!
(ice9, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:39, closed)

One of my friends is a bit like this
She's looked about 14/15 since I've known her... she's 26 now I think and still gets ID'd constantly.
( wangmaster2000, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 10:55, closed)

my other half's sister is a teacher
she is frequently mistaken (and often chastised) by other teachers thinking she is a pupil
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:16, closed)

well done
to you both for taking the piss out of a girl just for looking younger than she is.

i bet that really boosted her self esteem.
(baz, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:37, closed)

Hello?
Which website have you been looking at for the last five years? Well, barely this one by your profile.

What's the point in stupid self righteous comments like this? It's just made everyone that sees it think your a dick.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:41, closed)

"your a dick"
what did she do to deserve it?

other than not looking her age?

I didn't think it was funny, just cruel.

but then I haven't posted as frequently as you, so my opinion is clearly worthless...
(baz, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:48, closed)

Erm...
As AL said 'are you aware of this type of site?'

What's cruel about taking the mick out of someone for looking young?

I get the piss taken out of me for having grey hair at 28, big fucking deal!

Lighten the fuck up
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 11:56, closed)

...
well I think im with Baz on this one, I love this site for its story of disgusting and/or totally mad characters, the depraved situtations you somehow accidently (or not so accidently) got yourself into or just tragicaaly hilairious calamities that befall you. And all as filthy and unpleasent as can be!

High-five for taking the piss out of a girl much younger than you, for looking young? to her face? without even knowing her for 5 minutes? hmmm not so funny, just kinda mean.

'not having a go at anyone! Just agreeing with Baz
(loobyla, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:00, closed)

baz, you don't go by the nickname
"Dodger," by any chance, do you?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:14, closed)

Pffft!

(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:17, closed)

^^
this!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:26, closed)

Well, we're assuming it
Wasn't a fake driving licence, aren't we?
( Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:10, closed)

OH MY GOD!
HE WAS A FUCKING PEEDO! BURN HIM! BURN THE PEEDO! PEOPLE LIKE HIM MAKE ME FUCKING SICK! FUCKING SICK FUCKING PEEDO FUCKING FUCK!

Hi, nice to meet you.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:12, closed)

He might have been!
Anyway, I don't give a toss about your opinion.
Just because you post on here more than me.

Your a dick.
( Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:14, closed)

I'm going to do a sad face now.

*sad faces*

See! See what you've done!

Now who's the dick eh!? EH! NOW WHO'S THE DICK EH!?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:16, closed)

Well my opinion is clearly worthless...
I didn't think it was funny, just cruel.
( Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:18, closed)

WE ALL ARE
We're all dicks because we're cruel, heartless bastards who would laugh at someone who looks like a prepubescent child next to their 27-year old boyfriend. We should have our hands cut off and be banned from the interweb for life.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:19, closed)

I'm not laughing
He's a peedo.
He should be killed.
Like them people what killed babyP.
( Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:20, closed)

She's all round ASDA
wif the angles now.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:21, closed)

ASDA IZ 2 GUD 4 SCUM LIK DAT
dey can go 2 lidl instedd
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:24, closed)

Ha ha!
^ Had me snickering like Muttley!
(ice9, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:57, closed)

If that actually happened to me
I wouldn't laugh. I would kick her in the face and set fire to her mum for having the temerity to appear before me looking like that.

Then I'd laugh. And offer her a cookie.

But she wouldn't be able to eat it because I'd already have kicked her face off because I'm such a DICK!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:21, closed)

"Kick her face off and set fire to her mum"
I am now giggling like a PEEDO in my office now. What a DICK I must be.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:24, closed)

You're all Dicks!
Except for Al,

He's a pussy
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:29, closed)

I do like
to have my tummy scratched.


And I shit in flowerbeds.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:35, closed)

Ah
but do you bring me dead things as well?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:12, closed)

Oh my god
I'm so ashamed. I've just realised what a total cock end I really am. I wrote "your" instead of "you're".

Egg on my face!

How dumb do I look now!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:31, closed)

EVIL GRAMMAR PEEDO!
HE CAN'T EVUN SPEL HE MUS B A NONSE!
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:33, closed)

A mate of mine
is dating a childwoman of 21 (who scarily is off to teach to 14-16 year olds in inner city London) we give him shit about it but never her.
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:26, closed)

quite right too
take the piss out of the bloke by all means, but the girl did nothing wrong
(baz, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 12:52, closed)

Okay
let's look at this a bit more closely using a few props.

www.b3ta.com/questions/socialnetworking/post241506

The tale of a girl suffering from the feeling that she is trapped in the body of the wrong gender.

www.b3ta.com/questions/publictransport/post166140

This is a tale of a group of young lads being robbed and humiliated on a bus.

www.b3ta.com/questions/animalcruelty/post106619

This is a story of how a cat was unable to eat for over two weeks because of it's unthinking owners.

All of these tales involve something bad happening to someone who wasn't the person telling the tale, so you could argue that every one of those posters was an unpleasant person.

But we don't know the people telling the story, and we don't know the "victims" of the tale and so we, or at least, most people who were reading the site that week, thought they were very funny.

Now, the OP wasn't as funny as these stories, but if you put yourself in the place of the storyteller, I'm sure you can imagine it being quite funny at teh time. And if you really, really can't get you're head into that situation, you are probably either reading the wrong website, or you ought to be posting rebukes to pretty much every other poster who writes a story.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:34, closed)

grr
"Now, the OP wasn't as funny as these stories"... why you!....*shakes fist*.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:05, closed)

Sorry
that sounds much nastier than it was meant.

I personally liked your tale, but it's not going to win like the three examples I posted did.

That sounds bad as well.

I'll just stop writing here.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:08, closed)

Modesty!
Fail...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:16, closed)

ha aha ha
brilliant!!!
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:29, closed)

Gotta agree with baz.
I'm all for the rather rude and sometimes horrifying stories- I like this site as well as anyone does- but I do feel bad for the girl being humiliated like that. I would have teased him mercilessly when she wasn't around and referred to him as Humbert, but wouldn't have razzed her about it. She did nothing wrong other than date Dodger.

So what was the upshot? Did they stay together? Or did Dodger stop talking to you after that?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 13:51, closed)

upshot
nah, we're still friends. She lasted about a week. We take the piss out of him a lot, he has far more serious issues. (For instance, a disease that is potentially life threatening, and terminal, i shit you not. We take the piss endlessly. Its as dark as that.)

He doesnt take offense, I was his best man last year so this incident was a minor blip on an otherwise uninterrupted downhill trajectory of insults)

In fairness, I never said it! It was my other half at the time and it wasnt done maliciously, just probably in bad taste. It wasnt like she spat at her or anything. No one remembers this, except me really.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:09, closed)

Yeah.
Not having been there myself, I'm not going to call you bad names or anything- there was probably a lot more going on than meets the eye in a written story.

Still, I do kinda feel badly for the girl.

Glad that he's still a friend, though. Nothing makes me feel worse than losing a friend over a badly timed comment...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:18, closed)

Fuckin ell
I go away for a few hours and you go all handbags.

Some context I guess. Its totally true. (ok didnt actually call the pigs, that line just makes me laugh). "Dodger" had a habit of going out with VERY strange girls and for very odd reasons. (The thalidomide granddaughter for example, "just to see whats its like") and other sick shit. He just likes weird.

This girl was rather odd, and couldnt make eye contact with the adults. She never said a word the whole time.

Whilst I admit it wasnt nice to the girl, my girlfriends barbs were aimed at Dodger, she never really liked him (creepy, see above) and it was intended to make him think twice about what he was doing. I found out years later that he had been approached several times on the street by random strangers, it could have got messy, he finished with her pretty quickly.

But yeah, when did b3ta become the moral high ground. All the daily mail readers need to fuck off back to the, well, daily mail.

Have we been invaded by the BBC's HYS posters?

And for all the tales I've posted, *THIS* generates the most replies! Irony abounds.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:03, closed)

.
so what we all need to know is...



What was the flid like then?


(hides)
(Pickettywitchfinder General, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:27, closed)

apparently
she could stick her arm/stump up her chuff if she rolled on back on to her shoulders.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 14:42, closed)

.
Hmm. Specialist if nothing else. There must be market for that sort of thing out there in the big bad internet.
(Pickettywitchfinder General, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 15:52, closed)

^ Does make you wonder whether
Heather Mills was doing pr0n before or after the amputation...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:14, closed)

Or indeed,
during.
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:41, closed)

.
But you're talking about amputation. Acrotomophilia is quite well documented but I'm thinking of full-on fliddy-porn.


(edit. Yes I did have to look up Acrotomophilia, thank you very much)
(Pickettywitchfinder General, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 16:51, closed)

oh cocks
Since I have been out on the piss with friends for the past 8 hours, and since leaving comments at 5am is universally acknowledged as always being a good idea (right?), this seems the perfect time to try and clarify my point, which seems to have raised more hackles than I'd anticipated.

When I read stories, I imagine my place in them.

If I were a 27yo bloke (I'm not) who was going out with a younger-looking 18yo girl (again, I'm not), then I may perhaps be guilty of poor taste. Which is the point of this QOTW, I guess.

And if my mates were to then rib me mercilessly, merrily cracking "pedo!" gags all day long, I would sport a grim smile and take it on the chin.

Because blokes are supposed to take the piss out of each other - it's what they do.

However, if I took said ill-advised girlfriend to a friend's house, for the first time, and my friend's girlfriend took the piss out of my girlfriend to her face, having only just met her, I would vent wrath and fury, possibly call my friend's girlfriend a cunt, and certainly not visit that house again until an apology materialised.

In short, if your pal has an embarassing girlfriend, for whatever reason, age-related or otherwise, it is perfectly acceptable under the timeless rules of Blokedom to take the chronic piss out of him.

But if you take the piss out of her directly, especially if you've only just met her, you've crossed a line.

Having read ihrooc's follow-ups, I'm glad Dodger was more forgiving than I would have been. Hooray for friendship - genuinely.

No offense intended to anyone, just felt I had to post the dissenting voice, since when I read the original tale, all the responses were positive ones - wouldn't it be dull if we all agreed all the time?

Peace and love, and all that. Nighty night.
(baz, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 22:03, closed)