Vipros
yes unfortunatly the people will have to pay. which is bad. and ive put that to him. hes quite aware of the consequences.
my dad takes the view that if the council is corrupt and evil its better to stop them. like some sort of super-hero busy body then let them keep taking the piss.
in the long term it means that the council will use its parking enforcement less for illegal income and more for traffic management
(L E T S G O "Stop buying into and spreading this shit", Thu 2 Aug 2007, 14:18, Reply)

Minor compared to some, but at least its petty
Courtesy of Glasgow City Council, we, like most other people, have two blue wheelie bins (between the 8 households up our close). Unlike most other people's, ours are kept locked by the binmen, with a small slot in the middle of the lid for posting your rubbish through. One piece at a time is all that fits, and larger things (bottles, etc) really need rammed in.

When the binmen come (at least this is weekly), they unlock the bins, take them out & empty them, then put them back & lock them up again. Dirty buggers. Someone got pissed off before I did and managed to break the lock off one of them. I've still to work out what genius decided locking them up would be a good idea in the first place.

Also, a year or two ago they put up a sign saying that rear court sweeping was going to be stopping... thought they were taking the piss implying that it had ever happened, they don't even pick up their own mess, the buggers.

The buggers.
(FTWinston, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 14:13, Reply)

L E T S G O
so your dad has cost everyone in your area a fuckload in increased taxes to pay for all this shit rather than a few individuals having to be stuck with a one off parking fine?

woop-de-fucking-doo

bet he's a hero in your town
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 14:03, Reply)

Parking Tickets .. Thanks
Thanks for the messages, I have managed to come across the E-mail Address of original writer of "Magic Words" and have sent him a nice mail with the offer of a bottle of something nice.
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:59, Reply)

Does the HMRC count as a council?
Possibly not, but they always ask me for 2 tax returns every year, one personal, one corporation (I run my own business).
Now this in itself shouldnt pose a problem, except can anyone tell me why the Revenue always feels the need to make things infinately more complicated than they really are?
Not only that but when you fill in the hideously complex returns and mail them back they want to interview you to ask you why you claimed tax relief on your property, when you also claimed sprout relief on your cabbage patch and hand relief on your roofing assets.
FFS guys, I am not an accountant, make these things simple for leymen to fill in and we'll all help you out more by not f*cking them up.

I got so fed up with it, I now may my accountant to do it for me. But get this, I STILL get queried by the revenue. Just less than before.
(LunarJim, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:49, Reply)

A council official once tried to test me....
... I ate his liver with some fava beans and nice chianti.

Actually it was with some Spaghetti Hoops and a can of Fanta, but its a lot less macabre and intimidating like that, dont you think?
(LunarJim, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:43, Reply)

Stirling Council
Give us a brown wheely bin (for garden waste) a green one for general waste and a wee blue box for cans, bottles, old catalogues, milk cartons etc. The wheely bins are emptied thus - green one week, brown the next, with the recycle boxes emptied weekly. Fair Enough. The recyle boxes are emptied weekly yes but by utter CUNTS. At 7am every thursday the "roadside recycling operatives" arrive in our lovely quiet street and proceed to spend the next hour or so making as much fucking noise as possible, standing as far back from their "roadside recycling vehicle" as they can and throwing the fucking stuff as hard as they can into one of the eight compartments on the back. I am convinced they have competitions to see who can make the most bastard noise. Oh and god forbid you should be helpful and put the cans/bottles into carrier bags to make it easy for them OH NO you might get a large yellow sticker reprimanding you for putting ONE beer bottle in a bag with several cans. "please do not mix the contents of the bags" OH FUCK OFF its not like you are going to take the carrier bags anyway. Dont even get me fucking started on what happens when you get stuck behind the cunting recycling vehicle while trying to get to work on time they get out of the van, look at you, sneer, get back in the van and sit where they are and block the road for another 15 minutes. TWATTY MCFUCKING TWATBAGS. GRRRRR. Feel better now.
(bazboy making it up as I go along, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:31, Reply)

Refinerys and the likes
in my neighbourhood we have road works everywhere.
There are 2 major refineries who have pipes running through the place. one replaced said pipes and just finished, then the other starts replacing theirs. The lines run next to eachother too. Assholes...

but the best was the electricity dept upgrading the lines. They dug up right outside my house and blocked it completely.
Becaues the road splits with an island, traffic going up was redirected, but I had no choice as I lived there.

Guy with flag: You can't go in here
Me in car fumin: I freaking wil you knob!
GWF: No you wont.

I revved and near rode him over, screeched up to the foreman with his truck across my drive and had some very choice words about sticking his hard hat up his arse if he doesnt move and unblock the road.

Still nothing. What did they do next?

A dude was cleaning the power station with a feckin bucket of water and a mop.

Of course it blew up and we had no power for a few days.

Fucking Africa.
(Bluffboy South Africa! World Champions!!!, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:12, Reply)

My dad got a parking ticket 2 years ago
He got it on New Years Day. The law and the council says that he could park where he did on a bank holiday. He phoned up the bank of England:
“was it a bank holiday on New Years Day mr bank of England man?”
“why yes it was mr dad”
Phone up council:
“was it a bank holiday on new years day? Mr council man”
“get the fuck out of here! No. It was NOT a bank holiday. Pay your fine you silly little man”
Queue 2 years of my dad boning up on parking law….
(obviously he didn’t have to pay –he had that sorted quite quickly – but not because of the bank holiday dilly, because of a technicality with signage).

He has now made it some sort of crusade to sort the parking out in his borough. Good for him.

He took the council to a Tribuneral or something of that ilk after months of trying to get relevant info and his parking data from them. They tried to block him. As an example they clamed it would take them 2 weeks (or some such ridiculous amount of time) to query a database
2 weeks to write a 4 line db query. nice
My dad catalogued the lies told to him by the council. And had enough evidence to put the man in charge in prison.

Rather then turn up for the Tribuneral thingy the guy in charge resigns. After the meeting it turns out that my dad knows more about the parking rules then the council. He found out that all the
signage was illegal in his borough. They have to fix it costing millions.

– they now ask him for advise as a consultant now and again.

Just recently his friend got a ticket for parking with one wheel on the ramp/curb of a driveway. You know – that bit that where the curb ramps down to the level of the road. My dad has investigated and found that it’s illegal for them to ticket in this case. He’s forcing them to refund ALL tickets to people in this situation. Costing millions. You know they come and ticket for this “wheel on ramp” thing at 11.30pm on roads which don’t even have yellow lines on them. Not any more. Now they’re gonna pay it aaaaaall back.
Yay for my dad.

Excuse the crap writings. I don’t have time to make it funnies.

click i like this if you think my dads a star for socking it to the man!
(L E T S G O "Stop buying into and spreading this shit", Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:10, Reply)

london underground
have also got off surprisingly lightly here, given what a dangerously useless bunch of cumsponges they are.

does anyone know how long a london underground minute is? only when i was waiting for the met line this lunchtime, it said the next train would be along in 2 minutes. it was nearly 12 minutes by my ipod, watch and mobile phone. do they operate in some special timezone for losers, morons and idiots by any chance?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 13:06, Reply)

Worcester City Council
I like to recycle, my council provides me with bags to do so, however my bin man does not like recycling. I go to the effort of separating my waste into the recycling bags provided and week after week my bin man chucks my carefully sorted recycling waste into the general rubbish section of the specially designed (and probably very expensive) multi compartment bin lorry. I'm doing my bit for the environment but I might as well not f*cking bother!
(Euan Oos-army Josh, dad's found your scooter!, Thu 2 Aug 2007, 12:48, Reply)