Jewsih mothers...
...deserving of their reputation.

Not mine, but when I was about 9 my best friend was half Jewish. I only went to his house once, and vowed never to return.

It started out normal, and we were sitting watching tv when his mother comes in and asks if we'd like a bit of chocolate. Naturally, I did. She asks us to hold out our hands, which I dutifully do, only to get yelled at for having filthy hands (they weren't spotless, but they were far from filthy). So I'm ordered into the bathroom to clean up, which I do. Now my hands are spotless. She examines them, and tells me I obviously live in a pig sty because my hands are filthy still. So back I go, removing a few layers of skin. I come back, with hands clean enough to wipe the queen's arse, and the old looney insists they are still filthy and decides I'm not allowed chocolate for being such a disgusting child. And my mate isn't allowed any either for having such dirty friends.

Thanks, bitch.

So we go back to watching tv, and a little while later the old bat yells in from the other room to turn it down. As I'm nearest to the remote, I grab it and hit what I thought was the volume down button. Turns out I hit the colour down button by mistake and the picture quickly turned black and white. So my mate grabs the remote and starts trying to find the button to fix it. Cue the crazy old bat coming in to yell about the volume and she spies the now black and white TV. She yells "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" to my poor mate who, before he can say it wasn't him, gets a whack across his chops so hard it knocks him flat on the floor where he stays, whimpering softly. She tells me I should go, and I was fucked if I was going to argue with that.

So I spent the next two hours sitting on the curb down the street waiting for my mum to get off work so she could pick me up.

Length? She was about 5 ft and just as wide.
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Fri 6 Jul 2007, 15:50, Reply)