Appalachians
My sister married an American. To be specific, she married an Appalachian - those mountain men made famous in Deliverance for their one-eyed banjo playing and sodomy. Of course, it's not as bad as it used to be, but it's still pretty bad.

There's a long tradition of inter-marriage in the family - so much so that some people send themselves father's day cards. There has been a certain amount of genetic degeneration. Uncle Cletus has an eye in the middle of his forehead, and at least two of the wives (also sisters) have goggly eyes and exaggerated foreheads.

This all pales into banality when you learn about 'grandpaw Hick'ry' He stills lives in the woods with his pigs and refuses to admit that it's the 21st century. He has a TV, but he has pasted a picture from Playboy over the screen and watches it fade year after year as he manipulates with withered cock. Pigs walk around the house and neither granpaw or the swine have washed for some time.

He was invited to the wedding and turned up wearing a waxed-cotton rain smock covered in pigshit. Though he did bring a present - a pipe he had whittled from a sycamore root. Neither the bride or groom smoke. Thats just as well because the bowl of the pipe featured - in loving detail - the love that blossoms between man and swine . At the reception, he washed his hands in the punch and violated one of the pageboys with a dessert spoon.

One stereotype does hold true. The whole family plays the banjo. Indeed, they have their own 14-strong banjo orchestra and play at venues around the town. Their repertoire includes such classic film themes as "Dances with Wolves," the theme from "Rocky" and the Elvis catalogue. My sister is learning.
(frankspencer, Mon 9 Jul 2007, 16:07, Reply)