Credit Crunch Christmas
First, find your roadkill. This was achieved by (accidentally) hitting a pheasant with a LDV van. (It broke the grille of the van: there's no such thing as a free lunch.)

Second, hang pheasant for 10 days then pluck and gut it. Plucking is not tricky, the bit where you draw the guts out the anus is a little unpleasant, and sometimes you have to hacksaw bits off, thusly:


Third, go and raid the local shops on Christmas Eve. Everything is massively marked down in price. Example: smoked salmon is now £3 instead of £12 for the full damn fish (attempt to catch your own fish by all means - I tried and failed and resorted to spending the £3). Leftover vegetables from the greengrocers are practically given away.

Fourth, make someone else buy the booze in exchange for getting your hands covered in pheasant shit and blood.

Fifth, eat drink and be merry and then mutter things about people who have skimped on the Christmas presents this year.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 12:58, 17 replies)

Impressed
I'll have to keep an eye out for roadkill
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 13:07, closed)

I'm hoping
for a deer next time.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 13:08, closed)

Get a bus
Then you could go for a cow
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 13:24, closed)

A bus
with bullbars. Awesome.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 13:26, closed)

get a snowplow
You won't even have to stop to pick things up then.
( rofl harris, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 13:42, closed)

you know....
it's illegal to eat your own roadkill?

Get a friend to run them over.
(Gazebo will eat you on, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 13:15, closed)

Yup, I know.
I wasn't the driver, though.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 13:18, closed)

There's an easier, quicker and less mucky way.
A wisened old poacher showed me this.


1. Lay the pheasant on its back with head between your legs.

2. Stand on the wings and grab the legs, and pull slowly.

The crown comes away already skinned, then all you have to do is chop the legs (secateurs) and pull the tendons out (tough as old boots) and remove a few bits of guts.

Quick and easy.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 13:27, closed)

skinning
Best to wait till its dead first though
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:43, closed)

*click*
The grit and determination you have shown in the face of adversity has damned near moved me to tears.

You are a true Brit and I salute you.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 17:13, closed)

Thanks,
though I'm Irish.

*fumbles clumsily with delicate cup and saucer, bowler hat and umbrella*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 17:46, closed)

.
Potato, potato, tomato, tomato
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:09, closed)

Vague Memory
IO'm sure that as a kid I was told you can't eat what you hit, and that it's the person behind you that gets 'the prize' of the pheasant..

On a seperate note... Make sure you hang it for a couple of days, otherwise it'll taste like crap.
( Ril3y is a brit abroad.. bring on the Stella / Asahi, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 17:51, closed)

Aye,
that'll be the bit where I wrote "hang pheasant for 10 days" :)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 19:14, closed)

To end the speculation:
You are allowed to eat what you hit, but only if you offer it to the person in the car behind you first - thus proving that you didn't deliberately hit it in order to eat it. If they want it then they get it, if they don't then scoff away.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 18:08, closed)

Ahem, end all speculation
get a shotgun and shoot the feckers, with land permission of course.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 8:22, closed)

.
the best prize is a stomach full of twigs and grit! (must remain intact for full points)
(ginger_gripper, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 5:23, closed)