Have you bought a house yet son?
What questions do your parents incessantly ask you? For years my father asked me, "When are you getting your hair cut?" Army man that he was he isn't too keen on my long, girly hair.

"Screw you dad! I've moved out of the house. My employer doesn't give a toss. You can't make me get a number 4 all over anymore!"

Next question. "Are you getting married yet?" Ah-ha-ha-ha, I have thwarted his paternal plans once more it seems or more correctly my last long term girlfriend has by leaving me a broken shell of a man. Damaged goods, I now remain single with no immediate prospects for engagement The position is still open ladies. Ladies?

The remaining question I was continually asked PRE-credit crunch (very important that pre) was "When are you going to buy a house? Have you bought a house yet? Looked at getting a house?"

Again and again and again with the fucking HOUSE shit!

"No, no I have not. And you know damn well why not. For the fucking million reasons I have enumerated before I. WILL. NOT. be buying a house anytime soon but allow me to tell you them one more time just so we're clear on the matter."

- A mortgage that I deem sensible is 3 times my salarly. Even though I earn a respectable amount, 3 times my salarly in Cambridge buys me a hovel. No I will not move outside of the city to a satellite village.
- A mortgage requires a sensible deposit. I do not have 10% of the value of the hovel saved up even if I was prepared to move into a bijou studio in the middle of chav fucking central
- A mortgage is a long term investment. This is fine if you intend to live somewhere for 10+ years but what if you need to leave unexpectedly? What if work dries up? What if the housing market temporarily goes down so what you could sell the house for won't repay your original mortgage taking into account any amortisation? Exactly, you can't move. You are stuck paying the mortgage until the housing market recovers: a prisoner in your own home.
- What if interest rates go up 2%? 5%, 10% even? It's unlikely but if it happens can I weather the storm?

Bottom line - anyone who buys a house with a mortgage more than 3 times their combined income, doesn't have a sizeable deposit and can't afford to make the monthly payments if the LIBOR goes up a few percent and isn't prepared to stay put however long it takes then they are taking a massive fucking chance. Anyone who tells you different is a liar or a fool. It might pay off and it might not but if it doesn't did you ever stop to think that that was a SIX FIGURE SUM of money you signed your name next to? I know the ins and outs of becoming a home owner are complicated but sweet zombie jesus, it's the biggest purchase you'll ever make! Do some research, make sure you know at least as much as the estate agent. </rant over>.

A typical post credit crunch parental conversation:

"Hey dad no I still haven't bought a house. Oh what's that sorry, you're no longer asking me that question are you? Go on, admit it. Admit that my grip on reality made me turn round to Northern sodding Rock and tell them to shove their 125% mortgages up their fucking arses! Recognise that I saw through the bullshit obsession that this country has with obtaining property and made a choice of what to do with my pay packet using some of the little grey cells *click* Dad? Dad, you still there dad?"

What a sore loser.
( djtrialprice, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 23:31, 18 replies)

sounds like my folks
thanks for sharing, its nice to know im not the only fucker with folks who want me to buy buy buy...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 23:36, closed)

Excellent ranting there
have a click.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 23:38, closed)

you know what you need
Mr angrypants, is a nice big house. Somewhere to relax in.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 23:44, closed)

sounds nice but
I'd only want to move out after a year ;)
( djtrialprice, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:11, closed)

We should hang out...
I'm surrounded by people like this. I'm 23 and two people my age at work bought houses in the last year.

One of whom was shit at her job and brand new, and bought with her new-ish bf (even though we only ever heard her talk about the ex). Due to constant absenteeism, laziness, rudeness and ineptitude, she lost the job. Now where is she?

*Rhetorical question. I don't know and I don't care.
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 7:47, closed)

hanging out
I agree. I'll see you in the pub tonight. You know, the one with the beer and stuff.
( djtrialprice, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:27, closed)

Fucks sake
I was waiting at the bar all night. I'll know not to trust QOTW people again *tsk tsk*
( djtrialprice, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 4:39, closed)

Great post, and thought provoking.
This is glue for everything I thought I knew about the housing situation.. I always thought that, for me, 'they' could roll it up nice and tight and do something unsanitary with their valuations and %100+ mortgage offers.

Thanks
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Fri 23 Jan 2009, 9:46, closed)

*Click!*
I've bought houses twice, and I'm not doing it again..Sod 'em. Funny how my family have shut up about it as well...
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 9:55, closed)

I am now going to use the phrase 'sweet zombie jesus' in conversation
much better than 'gobbleyjook'...

It's probably because I got a 100% mortgage that I could afford to repay, and now have some nice young couple paying it for me while I live my wonderful happy life in the south.

Or because they hate you.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 23 Jan 2009, 10:09, closed)

I think the phrase originally came from Futurama
I'd say you took a gamble and luckily it paid off for you. In your situation though I'd have probably done the same too - anything to move out of the parental house ;)

(I do love my dad, honest. He's a top bloke)
( djtrialprice, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:11, closed)

Abso-friggin'-lutely
I rent, and have done for years. Everyone with property always says "if you're renting you're just throwing your money away".

To which I reply "Really? And just what do you think you're doing with your interest-only mortage? You have no chance of ever paying that fucker off and you have the added risk that if interest rates go up you'll have to pay more. Me? I'm fine thanks - I pay a set amount each month. My landlord owns the house outright so, aside from inflationary rises, I'm safe from fluctuating interest rates. Oh and also I don't have to pay for repairs to the building or utilities. What's that? Got a burst water pipe and no buildings insurance? Looks like you're going to have to shell out a pretty penny there, matey. Me? Phone call to the landlord - gets sorted quickly with no extra cost to me. So, what do you think about me and my "throwing money away" now, Mr Smartarse-lookatmeI'vegotafuckinghouse"?
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 11:14, closed)

renting isn't wasted money
Home owners are winning on rises in the housing market however renters pay less: no interest on a massive loan, no upkeep on the house, no evil solicitors fee (sorry Ms Swipe :P). The money saved each month can be invested in a long-term investment vehicle and you're no worse off renting compared to buying. The only difference is that you're free to move at the drop of a hat if you want or need to.
( djtrialprice, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:18, closed)

There is a difference; you're at the mercy of the landlord's will.

I enjoy not having to ask permission from someone if I fancy repainting a room, changing a carpet, laying a driveway, getting broadband plumbed in, or having to wait on someone else to get off their arse to get blokes with tools in if anything breaks, etc.

It's a very small freedom, but it's one that helps make my home feel like a home. It's a freedom that lets me feel it's *mine*.
(Musuko, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 16:36, closed)

agreed
I suppose it's about what's personally more important to you. Probably due to my upbringing, being able to leave if I don't like something is more important to me than having the freedom to do whatever I want to my house to make my home perfect.
( djtrialprice, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 19:11, closed)

It suits me
Being a lazy fucker I enjoy having an excuse for not decorating! It IS a good point, and I agree that the quality of landlords varies considerably. For me decorating and gardening are not big priorities - aside from being a lazy fucker I just don't have time to do either (hmmm, a dichotomy - I'm lazy yet I have almost no free time.)

However the advantages of having a landlord that you can call on when things go wrong is a major bonus. We had trouble with the central heating boiler recently and had to call British Gas out a few times before it was fixed. But the landlord sorted everything and I didn't have to pay a penny.

I guess maybe I'm lucky - I've always had landlords that were willing to help and make themselves useful in a crisis. I understand that some people have had nightmare landlords, but you get what you pay for. If you're paying £200 a month for a grotty flat alarm bells should be ringing about the sort of bloke who's willing to let that out!
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 0:04, closed)

I completely agree
I am one of life's prolific nesters, which always came up to bite me on the arse when I was renting. Twice I moved into nice-enough flats, only to nest away and beautify them, as I always do. Having seen the impact on their property, the landlords made the canny decision to sell them immediately, forcing me to move out as soon as the six-month break clause was up.

And, in some areas, renting is actually more expensive than buying. There's no way we'd have been able to have rent the equivalent of where we are living now (a humble 2 bed flat). It kind of made the decision for us.
(cherrynicola, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 15:39, closed)

thank you thank you thank you all
for the lovely clicks. Funny, I'm normally a calm, easy-going person in real life but my sweary rants always seem to make my most popular posts.
( djtrialprice, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:08, closed)