Behind my flat is the roof of the sex shop beneath, extending out for its stock room.
My bedroom is next to this, and there is a street lamp in the distance somewhere which shines through my curtains.

My biggest fear at the moment, and for the last two years, is that someone will creep across the sex shop roof and jump through my bedroom window and get me. Because of the street lamp, if this were to happen, a silhouette would appear on my curtains before I'm got. I've lay awake for many hours thinking what I would do if this angry axe-wielding silhouette were to appear; my conclusion so far has been to either hide under my duvet and whimper or pre-emptively charge the window with a maglite. For now I just lay awake staring at my curtains waiting for it to happen.

Someone has recently installed a security light, somewhere, which means whenever the wind blows or a fox scrabbles across a wall - I am wide awake, peering from my duvet, awaiting death.

A few weeks ago I was, once again, wide awake and terrified. The security light was jumping on and off. There had been shadows on my curtains. There were horrible inhuman noises and constant banging and crashing. This lasted for up to half an hour (I had my phone beside me; I had nearly dialled two nines) before I braved the blinds in the kitchen (these allow me to peer out onto the scary-roof). I could barely walk for the fear and had to turn every single light on in the flat.

I silently lift one of the metal blinds on the kitchen window and put my eye to the gap, expecting a demon or armed robber or escaped bear or something equally horrible. Nope. There was a tiny kitten playing with a little mouse. The little kitten would jump in the air and land on the mouse and catch it in his paws. Then he would try and look at it, the mouse would escape and they'd both make horrible (but now quite cute) noises and then it would start again.

That was probably too long for a "I saw a cat" post. Sorry.
( stevierar, Sun 10 Apr 2011, 22:26, 5 replies)

Nope, a very nice end to this creepy tale!
~clicks~ =D
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Sun 10 Apr 2011, 22:57, closed)

Was it a zombie cat?

(speedevil, Sun 10 Apr 2011, 23:02, closed)

I don't think so.
I'm not sure how you're meant to tell.
( stevierar, Sun 10 Apr 2011, 23:21, closed)

you can't tell
www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/death+kitty+and+the+fat+man/
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 0:01, closed)

Damn dude! Go buy some cheap black marker Bulgarian 9mm and get some sleep.

( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 0:50, closed)

Hmmm,
now what's happened here is that you've mistakenly assumed that a "sex shop" is where one buys sex, so attracting various ne'er-do-wells looking to break in and steal some sex. In reality, anyone visiting a sex shop is going to zoom in at Mach 3 with his head down, and then zoom out again, through a different door if possible, with his new 12" Double Dong Delight hidden in his briefcase. They aren't going to be hanging around.

Even the local ratboys aren't going to bother with it, I'm sure shifting a box of stolen butt plugs down the local boozer is a lot harder than power tools or razor blades. (OK, so there may be the odd Drill-do in there) The biggest danger is from "mysterious fires" which break out in such establishments every now and again, usually after the insurance has been renewed.

Of course, if a 6'5" black man wearing stockings and suspenders breaks in and bums you one night, my apologies, he may well have been attracted by the sex shop. Then again, doing a sexy striptease and then knocking one out in front of the window late at night, with the light on and curtains open, probably does you no favours.(Or maybe it does, delete as appropriate)
(Rsoles, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 10:18, closed)