Officer Potential?
I once went to Blandford Forum, home to the Army's Signallers, as a wide eyed and eager recruit on a familiarisation visit.
To those who aren't into the Army, I was a potential officer. I had everything to prove before the hallowed doors to Sandhurst would open to me.

Alot of things go through your mind during the time you are on one of these familiarisation visits.
You want to be confident, but not arrogant. Sophisticated, but level headed. Calm, but not casual. Yet, knowing this, you also want to stand out and be noticed. You get the idea.

So all 16 or so of us all sit in a great lecture theatre and get briefed on what we're doing that day. First off we have a talk from a Major.
Problem, she's not here yet.
So the nice Captain asks if any of us know a joke.

"A-ha!" thinks I, "this is my chance to shine, showing my confidence and public speaking skills!
"I'll tell the 'talking dog' joke, that always goes down a storm.".

So I stand up, grinning ear to ear, and start to get my head together.
"No, no." Says Cap, "Go down to the stage and tell it.".

And as I walk down, I forget what joke I was going to tell.
Under the bright lights, my mouth goes dry and my legs go heavy.
My mind latches on the only other joke I know well enough not to fluff up.

But I can't tell that, somone will get upset!
Shit, no... I'm here now, just gotta go with it. Just gotta tell it better than ever before, draw them into the story!

So I tell them this.
(Cheers for the html help guys)

Firstly, I got no laughs.
Secondly, I actually acted out the final line. Tongue out of my mouth, legs at wierd angles, the works.
Thirdly, the bloody Major walked in for the very last line. Arse.
( Pointy Head poked another hole in my anorak on, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 17:19, 8 replies)

Nice!
... did you get into Sandhurst or not though?!
(Penguins_Made_Me_Do_It is a dolt ... and she don't care, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 17:29, closed)

Did I hell
And neither did the lads I got on with either.
( Pointy Head poked another hole in my anorak on, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 0:39, closed)

Link is broken
FYI I think you've missed the protocol (http:\\) from the start of the URL
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 18:43, closed)

Cheers boss
Every day's a school day, right?
( Pointy Head poked another hole in my anorak on, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 0:45, closed)

Sounds like officer material to me
You'd fit right in.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 21:13, closed)

Haha!
Well some poor training Corporal's gonna be putting up with my shit soon enough.
I'm sure he'll beast the officer out of me ;)
( Pointy Head poked another hole in my anorak on, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 0:41, closed)

Could have been worse
You could have told the one about the dead baby in the blender.

http://www.sickipedia.org/joke/1530

There's the link, btw.
( MatJ LOOK, Sun 30 Nov 2008, 3:40, closed)

True, true
Cheers for the link boss.
( Pointy Head poked another hole in my anorak on, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 0:43, closed)