this morning
i woke up around 6 a.m., on only 3 hours of sleep, to the sound of glass breaking. my little kitty has, over the course of the past several weeks, decided it was loads of fun to get on every shelf and knock things off of it - she likes watching what will happen. it's futile to put everything back up on the shelves, so i've just said "fuck it" and left the various objects, the ones still intact anyway - most of which are breakable - setting on the floor.

well, she'd finally knocked the very last thing off of any shelf left in the house - a ceramic cat my mum had given me about 10 years ago. i went ballistic. i threw her in her carrier to avoid killing her, and went to clean up the mess on the floor. my glasses weren't on, so i was bent over these tiny shards, and suddenly i just lost it.

i moved here several months ago, 800 miles away from my family, away from all my friends... and i love my kitties to death, but my only source of comfort was now destroying my memories of my loved ones, one by one. three things in this past week have been shattered or mangled beyond recognition and had to go in the bin. three different things that made me smile and for a moment remember i was loved...

the frustration culminated, i sat on the floor and cried violently for five minutes, and then crawled back into bed, feeling defeated, for another hour of sleep.

even though i know piecing it back together is never going to happen, i couldn't bring myself to trash it, so i kept all the bits anyway.
( mayonessa, Fri 15 Apr 2005, 4:38, Reply)