Reppin'
Yes I was a holiday rep for six weeks until they discovered they'd hired the most sarcastic and misanthropic person in the world to work with people on holiday. Part of the job was receiving complaints from tourists - and they had many.

The best one was a guy who'd booked a pot-luck holiday and been shunted to the hotel with no facilities on the edge of the island. Nice enough place, but in the middle of nowhere. When I arrived, he'd manage to piss off the whole hotel with his tantrums. He was waiting for me in reception with a virulent tan and his too-small sunhat perched on his head.

He had prepared a four page written report of his woes, which he insisted on reading to me with an oratorical delivery. In short, his issues were:

- The waitress wore braces to hold her trousers up. A waitress should not wear braces.
- He had seen communist graffiti on the island.
- Even though the taxi transfer had been free, he had felt compelled to pay the driver anyway, and now he wanted a refund.
- The taxi driver had broken the speed limit,
- The landscape was 'lunar' [I pressed him this, pointing out that there was no Ionian Sea on the moon, but he was adamant].
- The management had put a free fruit basket in his room and had then refused to remove it. It's presence was making his wife suicidal and he wanted it removed.
- Nails were sticking out of the hotel roof - around 4 metres above ground level. It was a health and safety hazard, he said [presumably for people filled with helium].
- There was shredded paper all over the beach. [he insisted on showing me the green, sea-weed-smelling 'paper' and said he was taking a sample back to England for chemical analysis.
- The hotel manager was 'fat'.

I jotted all of these complaints down on the official form - and then tossed it out of my car window as I went for one of my habitual four-hour coffee and cake breaks.
(frankspencer, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 10:08, 7 replies)

I clicked when I read "a waitress should not wear braces"
and had nearly voided my bowels with mirth by the time I read "The hotel manager was 'fat.'"

Wonderful.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 10:13, closed)

That's quite a list!
You should have told to him to bugger off and stop sniffing Tipp-Ex.
(The Stig, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 10:44, closed)

That's disgusting...

a speeding taxi driver, communist graffiti and a fat man in charge of the hotel.

I would have demanded a full refund and a complimentary visit to the local whore house.
( Moey, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 10:46, closed)

i like him

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:31, closed)

*click*
it was the tossing away the form done it for me.

thanks Frank.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:38, closed)

Brilliant.
Reminds me of Fawlty Towers;

"Would you like the hotel moved a little to the left?"

Click
(rockdoctor, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:00, closed)

The List
sounds hysterical. I hope somebody found the complaint form and got a bloody good chuckle out of it.
(muzzvsworld, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 5:16, closed)