The Motor Trade
There are hundreds. Now I know that I'm automatically a slimy Arfer Daley type to most of the population, but the liars, blaggers and bullshit merchants are quickly hoofed out these days.

1. The Classic.

Saturday afternoon. I've been with you for hours. You're on your third prolonged visit. You've test driven half the forecourt, before finally settling on the first one that I recommended. It's in your (alleged) budget. I've given you top money for your collection of rivets travelling in close formation. I've chucked in a couple of goodies. I can do the free insurance. It'll be ready on Thursday. Everyone else has gone home. There is no more coffee that can be ingested without bladder failure.

At long last..."Do you want to buy the car?".

Simple question. Oh, you like it, good. This is your fourth visit, and by now you know my stock better than I do. We have burnt more fuel on testdrives that a 747 uses to fly the Atlantic. I have no more small-talk. DO YOU WANT TO BUY THE CAR? IF YES, GIVE ME A DEPOSIT. IF NO, GO HOME SO I CAN LOCK UP AND GET COLD BEER.

"Look, I can't hold it for you without a deposit, someone could come in tomorrow and buy it, even over the phone, look I'll even make it refundable until Monday, just please make a decision"

"Pfft, you salesmen, always trying high pressure sales, ho ho *knowing grin*"

(High Pressure? HIGH BLOODY PRESSURE? If I'd been high pressure they'd have been into the car I chose in half an hour and gone...the only 'High' prssure around here is making my veins stand out like mating watersnakes on my forehead...)

"We'll think about it"

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH".

Sunday. "Bring Bring. Hi, I've been looking on your website......"

Deal Agreed. 5 minutes tops.

Monday. "How DARE you sell that car, you knew we wanted it, it's a disgrace, we want to see the Manager, I'll have your job for this"

Manager:

"Did we offer you a test drive? Yes? Did you like the car? Yes? Did we offer you the right price for your car? Yes? Did we ask you if you wanted to buy the car? Yes? Did we warn you that without a deposit it was still on sale? Yes? And DID YOU GIVE US A PALTRY £100 deposit? No? Please go away."


2. Don't ever do this. You will be followed home, your pets harmed, your gnomes broken and your prized collection of Princess Di memorial plates will be frisbeed into the nearest sewage farm.

Spend a good hour or two jumping in and out of every car in the showroom, attempting to negotiate a price on each one, going through the options list in microscopic detail, having cars dragged round from the compound so you can see 'that' colour on 'that' model, and then finish with the immortal line...


"Well, if I win the Lottery, I'll be back"

Twats.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 10:26, 4 replies)

what would be the point of a deposit on a car
if you were prepared to refund it

just saying
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:23, closed)

Only one out of ten or twenty or so
Will ask for it back having changed their minds.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:47, closed)

I'll buy a car
I have a packet of walkers tomato ketchup flavoured crisps, a few bits of chewing gum and 20p
I think that's about the right price for a nissan micra?
(Freddles, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 11:58, closed)

tosspots
I too work in the motor trade this is so familiar. A few months ago we had a situation very similar to your first. The difference was that we had another person on the car, however out of courtesy we offered first refusal to the first tosspot. Despite being told if you dont take the car these other people will do you want the car or not? He wouldnt comitt despite looking at the car for 2 weeks and driving it twice "Ill think about it"
Car sells , 3 days later we get the phone call to say i want it. Sorry too late .
Tosspot threatens to sue for selling the car out under him. Never mind that he had signed no paperwork , paid no deposit or even said yes i want it. Apparently we are meant to turn down a sale on the off chance that he may want it.
(welgar, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 8:39, closed)