school days
Everyone remembers the kids at school who died. Those early augurs of mortality were our first intimation that our lives could end. At my school. there were a few: Jason Wilding, who was run over outside the school gates; Sheree Bowles, who died after sniffing powerful solvents; Kevin Bidden, who pushed a ball bearing up his rectum and got septicaemia.

But the real shock was the death of Kyle Scunner. Kyle was more sexually advanced than the rest of us. He not only had hair on his nuts while the rest of us lads were mere fluffy eggs - he had hair on his back and a beard. And a tattoo of a lady being pleasured by an Alsatian (he had to wear long sleeves at school). He was into the kinds of sexual activity that we could only dream about - getting a BJ from a hairdresser, for example.

His death was as lurid as his life. After we pieced together the rumours and the gossip, it became clear that he'd been overcome with libido and attempted to mount a friend's black labrador. The dog had been spooked and bit Kyle, whereupon he slayed it with the flick knife he perpetually carried. Unknown to him, the dog had been suffering with an infected bottom for some time and Kyle had picked up a dose of blood poisoning that killed him within two days.

Most surprising of all, we learned from newspaper reports that Kyle (real name: Hubert Destrangle) was 37 years old and a fugitive from a chain of indecency crimes in Belgium, where he was known as "the Canine Sodomite."
(frankspencer, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 9:25, 9 replies)

You're having a whale of a time this week...
Aren't you Frank?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 4 Mar 2008, 9:50, closed)

?
I don't know whether to be in awe or fear of your imagination.
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 10:28, closed)

It's on B3TA....
...so it MUST be true
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 10:29, closed)

I love the way
Frank's stories start off quite plausible and draw you in, before a subtle clue (like the ball bearing up the bum) gets the alarm bells ringing and the chuckle muscles limbering up.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 11:27, closed)

Currently losing it
due to the words "Canine Sodomite". Thank God I'm not in the office today
( I_Was_Mordred, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 12:04, closed)

hmm...
...*read read read*
Blimeh... 4 deaths of school mates? We never even had one...
*read read*
Wha?!
*read read*
ffs.... it's frank.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 12:29, closed)

I'm the same!
Got sucked in until 'ball -bearing up rectum' -

F-ing hilarious!!!! xxx
(MizStinky, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 23:20, closed)

surley the tattoo of the Alstatian
would tip you off that he is the Canine Sodomite.

*giggles*
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 5 Mar 2008, 3:25, closed)

Wow, Frank
You are so on a roll this week!

(I actually believed you right up til "37 years old and a fugitive" I even swallowed the ball bearing up teh rectum.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 5:37, closed)