The Dirty Secrets of Your TradeSo, Television is a hot bed of lies, deceit and made up competitions. We can't say that we are that surprised... every job is full of this stuff. It's not like the newspapers currently kicking TV whilst it is down are all that innocent.
We'd like you to even things out a bit. Spill the beans on your own trade. Tell us the dirty secrets that the public need to know.
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chthonic, Thu 27 Sep 2007, 10:31)
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Cinema ProjectionAh the hallowed back rooms of the movie theatre. Things I and other people have done when you either haven't been there (late at night) or have been watching your film.
1. Someone is watching you in the movie theatre. We can see you make out, we can see you stupid simian fuckers who insist on texting all through a film (you useless limp dick half brained visigoths fucking die). We can see if it's a half two in the afternoon session and you are an old man who feels a need to wank and it's us who open trap doors and yell 'Stop wanking you fucker'. Best thing I ever saw was two hot girls who thought they were alone make out. Alerted other via intercom and soon there was three guys watching from the rear window.
2. Sometimes your projectionist will be naked.
3. Often stoned
4. Another trade secret that people always ask about since fight club is the classic 'do you splice porn into kiddies movies?' line. Most people seem to think that if you take a porno picture from a magazine you can somehow magically insert it inbetween two pieces of 35mm film, wind it onto a reel at thousands of revs per second, then shove it through steel plates and expose it to intense temperatures and magically have the image both survive and appear on screen. The answer is no, we don't splice in porn because we don't have any 35mm porn stock.
5. We do splice in violent content from other films or innocent content into violent films. Yes it's noticable.
6. Yes it is no co-incidence that the oil company adverts seem to be the most scratched and unviewable. This is because of me standing there with a drawing pin against the film as it runs through the projector.
7. Movie seemed to start late? I wanted to listen to the end of that song / album. Fuck you.
8. After hours we lock the door and have access to our own private cinema. Deluxe. You can get horrendously mashed and watch all the old films in the vault. Or fuck your girlfriend at the front of the cinema in front of Donnie Darko.
9. This activity can also be done on the job while you are watching your film.
10. I make scary faces with a torch and a mask through the windows sometimes, just in case someone turns around.
(, Wed 3 Oct 2007, 7:26, Reply)
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