My dad's mate
This is the first time I have had a decent answer. Woo.

My dad's mate was doing some DIY and smacked his thumb with a hammer, properly hard and he was in agony for a couple of days. He showed my dad his thumb and my dad told him that the pain was being caused by the pressure of swelling under the nail and the best thing to do was relieve the pressure. How? By heating a needle and boring through the nail. Sounds sore but the guy was in agony so thought he'd give it a shot. That night he went home, found a needle and started boring. He tried it for a while but couldn't pierce through. Then an idiot lightbulb went of in his head. He wanted it done quickly so thought 'A drill!'. Genius. So he found his trusty Black and Decker and got the thinnest drillbit he could find. In preparation for some blood that he knew was coming, he filled a basin with water and put it under his hand. One quick blast and he would be fine. Just pierce the nail. One quick pull and done. So he did it. The drill pierced the nail as he wished, but also went on to pierce completely through his thumb. At which point he screamed, let go of the drill, which snapped the drillbit because it was so thin, the drill fell into the basin of water, which shorted all the electricity in the house leaving him in the dark with drill through his thumb. Nice.
(brain_blessed, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 14:46, 4 replies)

Haha, a proper Doh! moment
by the sounds of it
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 16:57, closed)

Ow Ow Ow
I have been on the receiving end of this 'treatment' after the tail-lift of an HGV we were unloading fell on to my foot with a lovely 'spannng' noise.

Visiting the nice nursey the next day to relieve the silly amounts of pressure, I was strangely perturbed to see her lighting a wee spirit-lamp thingy, and then straightening out a frigging paper clip. I know times were hard in the NHS in the late eighties, but a PAPERCLIP?

I was motionless from disbelief and shock as ssssssssssssAHHHHYOUFmmmmmmffffffowowowowowow. The gunk underneath did spurt most prettily, mind you. Lovely.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 17:14, closed)

My shop teacher
always did this. He got so many black nails through the course of teaching us useless numpties which end of a drill was up that he had a drill bit devoted to it. Handily, he was also the biology teacher (small school) so he used to autoclave it between uses. I wouldn't like to have to do it to myself, but he was a dab hand at it.
(BlackArmadillo Avoided writing that article on, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 14:53, closed)

drill finger doh
The secret is of course to use a drill bit but twiddle it betwen your fingers. The speed of entry is rather more controllable.
(godisdove I like cheese, Sat 5 Apr 2008, 18:59, closed)