Long time lurker first time poster
Had my fair share

While having a fight over masking take at school with a knife funny that my hand came off the worst all the teacher was worried about was the blood on the floor and his wonderful tools while I leaked all over the place

Have also fallen out of my loft onto stuff not once but twice first time was onto a chair not the greatest feeling in the world and secondly onto a ladder which promptly broke but to be fair it was like the ones that you see old people using in them adverts where they fall and break there arms and legs

After the latest one I have since purchased a new sturdy proper ladder which works a treat
(Scoobiedoo79, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 10:48, 30 replies)

Maybe I'm just in a bad mood today...
So you left school with minimal literacy but a GCSE in knife-fighting, eh?


*sobs*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:36, closed)

There, there Enzyme
Just let it all out. It's okay.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:42, closed)

No!
If you let it all out, it'll never fit back in again, it's like unfolding a map in the car.
Bad idea.
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:48, closed)

it's okay
with those inner-city qualifications the young lad will easily be accepted on to one of our fine degree programmes.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:53, closed)

@crackhouse...
That's a part of what worries me. (Only a part, mind you.)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:54, closed)

*frowns*
*mutters something about my degree being worthless*

*pours a double vodka on the rocks*
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:55, closed)

@Enzyme
yup, I'm guessing the other part is that we have to teach them?

Edit: @Kaol - please pass me that vodka, would you, my job requires a functioning level of self-medication via alcohol.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:56, closed)

@chcb
Hmmm... I've only got one bottle to last me the day...
But seeing as it's you...
*passes*
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:58, closed)

@CHCB
It's not really the teaching that worries me. I'm just very conservative when it comes to grammar and syntax - by which I mean that I like there to be some.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:58, closed)

@Enzyme
man, you're, like, so picky, yeah? Grammar is, like, for squares, yeah?

*abandons poor attempt at beatnik lingo as it is somewhat dated and too tedious to type*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:02, closed)

Heh heh
I still can't over the chav to geordie translator, so I read CHCB's last post with the likes one word to the right. Made me chuckle.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:03, closed)

...
I'm beginning to wonder whether the current gov. thinks that grammar might be "elitist", therefore wrong. Fuck that, say I. Yes, it is elitist. But I'm more that happy to admit everyone to that elite. I see nothing wrong with emulating the best.

(And, yes, I have been known to fire off angry emails to the Department for Education complaining about the grammar on its website and suggesting corrections. Those suggestions were adopted. Yay me, I think.)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:06, closed)

I see lots wrong
with admitting everyone to the elite. It stops being the elite, for starters. (I have no problems with an elite. I know I will never be an elite athlete, or musician, or in any way talented. Some people are though.)

It's like the plan to put 50% of the population through Higher Education: fucking stupid and devaluing.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:11, closed)

Enzyme, as well we know
It's not just the government, it's the media and the whole army of undereducated people stuck in sink estates who, instead of aspiring to better things, look at getting things right as "too posh" or "what a bunch of cunts" as they would probably say.

We just need to get PJM into office and he'll sort it all out. Until then, sadly we are all a bit fucked. Just today I heard another government monkey bleating about getting 50% of people into Uni, whilst carefully not mentioning the fact that the reason this is a stupid idea is that people can't afford it.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:12, closed)

The 50% idea is terrible...
Really terrible. Mind you, I think that getting rid of grammar schools and the upgrade of the poly system to university status was terrible, too.

Allow - for the nonce - that everyone has a right to compete for a university education. It follows from that that everyone has a right to the necessary preparatory education (and I mean EDUCATION, not TRAINING); it does not follow that everyone has a right to go to university, any more than it follows from the right to try for the Olympic team that one has a right to be a member.

Crackhouse, I take your point about elites bursting from within - but the point stands that there are certain things that are just admirable, dammit, and the more people we can get even to aspire thereto, the better.

EDIT: Spelling now un-badified.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:22, closed)

^
Oh yes, as usual I agree with you. Aspiring to an elite is a wonderful thing. It can't guarantee admission to one though. But yes, once must have standards, mustn't one?

*pours Earl Gray into bone china cup*
*daintily eats cucumber sandwich*
*awaits lout to point out that I said both "bone" and "cucumber", fnar fnar*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:27, closed)

^LOL!1!
Bone! ROFL!!!1!
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:28, closed)

Well I would
except having just read Bert and Kaol having a conversation goat sex, "bone" seems rather tame.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:29, closed)

Try again
And don't be afraid of using the following:

.
,
! (singular, if at all)
:
;
&
(
)

Kthxbye.
( shadyron, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:32, closed)

CCHB & Enzyme
Oooooh... proper, informed discussion.

*admires*

*lowers tone by touching himself in a grammatically inappropriate way*
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:39, closed)

Cretinous Ministers
Whenever I hear the Neue Arbeit Minister for Fucking Up Education wibbling on about how 50% of the masses going through University is such a spiffing idea, I am irresistably reminded of Maureen Lipman.

Am I on naughty drugs? (Drugs are BAD M'kay)

Nope, I am thinking of the alleged graduates I'm seeing these days. Unable to write in anything resembling the English language, spell, add up, speak coherently or clean their shoes, they are about as much practical use as ornamental pot plants and don't exude useful oxygen.

But they've "got an 'ology'".

And they're dyslexic, obviously.




Right, I think that's everything covered. Armoured underpants on, hiding below parapet.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:57, closed)

@osok...
It's the conflation of education and training that annoys me most. Education is not to help you get a job - it's to make you a better person. In the process, you might well end up better able to get a job, of course - but the Gradgrindian insistence on universities having to pay for themselves and contribute to the economy is idiotic. Why is contributing to the economy good? Presumably because it makes the world a better place. But you can make the world a better place without having to contribute to the economy.

*takes breath*

Dyslexia, btw, is not a problem. It can be accommodated, and I'll go out of my way to accommodate it. Idiots claiming to be dyslexic rather than idiots, though - or dyslexics who won't take responsibility for themselves - deserve shooting.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 13:03, closed)

indeed
At the end of term my final year students asked me what they needed to learn for the exam. My answer? The curriculum. They told me this was unfair and that they needed to be told what would be on the exam. My answer? It sounded suspiciously like a muffled "fuck off".

Also, and this is rather a sore point with me and my work at the moment, why, when we are being encouraged to get mature students/students with children/low income or disadvantaged students into Higher Education, does my department seem to think that means we make exceptions. Why can't we provide more help, support and encouragement for them rather than excusing them from key pieces of work or awarding them extra marks?

Hey, why not just give everyone a degree? They pay, after all...

*breaks things*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 13:14, closed)

It's not fair
Seems to be code for 'I have been spoonfed the answers to every evaluation of my performance for the last few years because the school/college must be seen to be hitting their 'performance' targets, and when suddenly faced with the prospect of doing some fucking work I want to throw a big hissy fit like the 12 year old that mentally I still am, because I have been indoctrinated that various things are inalienable 'rights' such as the right to do fuck all for a living with no sense of adult responsibility because that's the state's problem.

Or in the words of a certain Mr Connolly "away and fuckin' work ya wee bas".

There we go, longest sentence award please.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 13:21, closed)

My mum
is a lecturer and she has to constantly fight to stop some students getting put through to the next year when they haven't passed modules. And it's not like they got 39.5% and they need 40, it's on the scale of, they turned up to 2 lectures, subitted one piece of (crap) coursework, then turned up the exam and complained they didn't get told what to do. And the head of department tries to push them through so that they get more money.

Grrrrrrr.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 13:22, closed)

Al...
It's the same everywhere. Most of my students are doing an MA, and most of those are already doctors with lots of letters after their names.

If they don't like the marks we've given them, they've been known to send indignant emails with all their qualifications listed at the end. We invariably reply with a curt message that boils down to, "Irrespective of how many fellowships you have, your essay was still poo. Thanks!"
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 13:26, closed)

^
They don't need 40% to pass in my department. They need 35%. Really. The ugrad pass mark is 35%. They are also pretty much guaranteed to get through if they get 30% though (it's known as a "high fail").
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 13:28, closed)

CHCB You what?
35 Frigging %? I feel the use of illegal numbers of exclamation marks coming on, as well as another bitter 'yoof of today' rant. I'll start reading the Mail, I'll start muttering darkly about immigrants, I'll, I'll.....

35%...

And "high fails". Jesus Suffering Frig. I missed one of these First Class thingies* by 1% or something equally small and was called a 'bloody fool' by my tutor for not working harder. Those were the days.







*thus making me even more over-qualified for not getting jobs. I'll probably erase the degree from my CV** and claim I was in prison, a mental institution or was working as a mercenary for 3 years.




**and seeing as I applied for one this morning, the word arse now applies.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 13:53, closed)

'soft fails'
if you dont quite pass a module (and you need to do minimal work to just pass) you get a soft fail on my course. which means you dont fail at all. i think a university should be ale to tell students they've failed without them crying about it.

also, dyslexics get an instant grade boost (im on a visual degree, minimal issues actually arise) and a free mac to the value of one thousand english pounds.

i despair
(salvadorbones, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:02, closed)

Thirtyfrickinbastardspunkmanglingpercent!
What?!
Jeez I should have taken my Aeronautical Engineering lecturer's advice "See if you can persuade your employer to put you on the degree course. Although they may be reluctant to fund it with these marks"

I completed five modules.

Four distinctions (85% and over)and a merit (>74%<85%).

Methinks I'd piss it nowadays.

Yoof of today etc. etc. (wanders off grumbling)

And DON'T get me started on dyslexia/dyscalculia/dyspraxia grade uplifts, my youngest daughter shared a house with a girl who had all of these on her student profile...................just turn up and you'll get a 'B' FFS.



And relax.......
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 9 Apr 2008, 11:46, closed)