Home dental surgery with a screwdriver.
I had a small hole in my gum that I think I caused by accidentally stabbing myself in the mouth at some point. It was really sore, so I decided to try and cut through the lower bit of gum, exposing a bit more of the tooth and basically making the gumline on that one tooth a little higher.

I decided a flathead screwdriver would be the best tool for the job (because knives are dangerous...), so I put it against the gum at an angle, steeled myself, and then smacked the bottom of it like I was chiselling away at a piece of stone or something.

To say it hurt like fuck would be a massive understatement, and it seemed to bleed for hours.

About 6 years later on, it healed fine and the desired result was achieved in that my gums look perfectly normal, albeit one tooth has a slightly higher gumline than the rest.

For those of you that are wondering, this definitely makes my top ten list of "The Stupidest Things I Have Ever Done".

I'd be happy to give a full rundown of that list if anyone cares.
( PMGT -Bacon., Thu 20 Jan 2011, 12:41, 6 replies)

Eeurgh
That made me cringe
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 12:49, closed)

Hot fried Christ on a stick
You probably thought 'Marathon Man' was a comedy.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 12:54, closed)

"hot fried Christ on a stick"
excellent
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 13:08, closed)

Oof, I've just cringed at this.
*click*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 14:32, closed)

Howay then
tell me more...
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 22:34, closed)

Lets see...
In no particular order, and without repeating the above story I:

- Once cut through a piece of paper with a pair of scissors whilst holding it in my left hand, and forgot to stop cutting. You have no idea how painful it is to cut yourself with scissors like that (unless you've done it of course in which case , you do...)

RESULT: A perfect straight line cut into my left thumb, about an inch long. No scar.

--------

- In my younger days, before I learnt more constructive ways of dealing with anger, I once got into a HUGE row with my best mate, stormed off before it got physical and punched a wall as hard as I could physically manage. Which is "pretty fucking" hard, it turns out. Shattered two knuckles on my right hand, and fractured the bones in two fingers, one of which nearly burst through the skin. Spent another 3 hours arguing before eventually walking myself to the hospital when the pain got too much to bear. First question the nurse asked "Have you been drinking?" To which I replied "No". Second question "Are you some kind of fucking idiot, then?". To which I felt inclined to reply "yes".

RESULT: No scar, but missing the fourth knuckle on my right hand.

EDIT: Now with pictures!



--------

- Once fractured the cartilage in my right knee whilst doing Tae Kwon Do. Didn't realise at the time as all I heard was a very loud POP, followed by my falling over onto the floor. Tried to ignore it and finish the lesson and failed horribly. Went to stunt school immediately afterwards (it was fucking awesome and I didn't want to miss it, ever. Basically lots and lots of trampolines and large spongey pits to throw yourself into...). Fractured carilage plus trampoline = fucking stupid idea. Still didn't go to the doctor, instead chose to wait til the next day and drove myself there at the end of my driving lesson.

RESULT: Knee still fucked to this day. Still can't drive.

--------

- Once tried to volley half a brick in the middle of "Stone Wars" at high school. Failed.

RESULT: Massive, and I mean massive, bruise taking up almost all of my shin, complete with limp for about 5 days.

--------

- Whilst playing street hockey, tried to check someone from behind as he was raising his stick to do a slapshot. Got a mouthful of hockey stick being swung at full pelt backwards. Split my lip almost in half and I went into a state of shock for about 30 minutes or so. Managed to make it home with a bottom lip the size of a golf ball. It also made me talk like Cartman, bizarrely. Cleaned it up, went to bed, went back to school the next day. No stitches, and healed remarkably well considering.

RESULT: Weird hard bump "in" my lip, small scar. Amazing really considering how bad it looked.

--------

- Went down a large water slide at Centerparcs literally 5 seconds before the fattest bastard you have ever seen followed me. Literally, this guy must have weighed about 30 stone. I landed in the (rather small) splash pool at the bottom, put my head above water, turned just in time to get hit full in the face by the michelin man travelling at a good 20 mph. Bust and broke my nose.

RESULT: Red swimming pool, still have a wonky nose.

--------

- tried to lasso my toothbrush from it's holder in the bathroom when I was 4 years old. Got my Dad's razor instead.

RESULT: Not insignificant slice into my little finger on my left hand. Still have a scar from it. I did that thing that kids do where they look at it for a good 20 seconds then go, "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

--------

- Bet someone that they couldn't fire a slice of pizza out of a crossbow and hit me in the face with it. Turns out he could. it also turns out that pizza, when fired at a sufficient velocity, fucking hurts like hell if it catches you at the right angle. I caught the crust right on the bridge of my nose.

RESULT: Cut on the nose. no scar.

--------

- Drank turps. Went blind for a little while.

RESULT: I don't think I learned anything from this.

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( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 21 Jan 2011, 3:48, closed)