This actually makes me wretch just thinking about it...
My dad had a blood build up under his thumb nail, the pressure was causing him all sorts of pain and so he decided he should do something about it.

He got a paperclip and tried to slam it through his nail but to no effect. The next day I walked into our garden shed after hearing a massive "oooooh ya bastard" come from inside, there was my dad perched with a lot of blood on his hand.

My dad had put his thumb into the vice and got one of them precision drills (you know the one, you lower a lever and it the drill goes straight down) and used his blowtorch to "sterilise" the drill bit. He'd sat there and lowered it very very slowly and drilled through his thumbnail with perfect precision, any further and he'd have fucked his thumb up completely.

It worked, the pressure was relieved and he was in barely any pain compared to before. It's the same sort of thing they'd have done in the hospital only with more expert equipment and... less risk.

Uh!
(nobface part time paperboy full time gangsta, Sun 23 Jan 2011, 13:01, 5 replies)

He could have done it easier with the paperclip.
You hold a straightened paperclip in a flame until it glows, then touch it down in the middle of the hematoma. The nail melts, the blood is released and quenches the paperclip, and all is well.

It's not as bad as it sounds.
( Wanderer, Sun 23 Jan 2011, 13:09, closed)

but it STINKS to high heaven.
when you get a nose-full of that shit you smell it for days.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 23 Jan 2011, 14:42, closed)

I think it might just be me, i'm really cringy about nails and teeth.
Whenever I have a shave I have to do my best to not think about shaving my teeth. Ughhh!
(nobface part time paperboy full time gangsta, Sun 23 Jan 2011, 19:00, closed)

I agree
Teeth are much better when naturally hairy (WTF???)
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 12:52, closed)

Incidentally this _is_ the expert equipment they use in hospitals.
They used a spirit burner to heat the paperclip.
( jonbob loves you, Sun 23 Jan 2011, 20:53, closed)