Criminal Damage
when I was a teenager I had a Saturday job in a little shop that sold video's, tapes and CD's (about 20 years ago). The place was owned by a guy (let's call him 'Vic') that was something of a small time gangster with a little crew that would raid warehouses and we would sell the stuff in the shop. I didn't really think much of it at the time because the people I worked with were nice, lol.
Someone with a Jaguar XJ6 used to regularly park in our clearly marked loading bay. We left 3 different notes reminding the driver that this was private property and they shouldn't leave their car there.
Long story short, Vic eventually offered me twenty quid to put a big old scratch down the side of the car with my keys. Easiest £20 I ever made, and the guy never parked there again. I would kill either of my kids now if they did such a thing, but I was just thrilled to get £20 :)
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 8:56, 23 replies)

Not much of a gangster, was he?
A proper gangster would have broken his legs.
(username failed moderation, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 9:02, closed)

oh absolutely...he and his gang were pretty shit
The Corleone Family they were not
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 9:12, closed)

Bear with me just one moment ... I need to pass this through the credibility machine ...
Bip. Bip. Bip. Beeeeeeep.

Nope. It's bollocks.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 9:20, closed)

As tall tales go, this one barely warrants a kick stool,
so I'm going to let it pass.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 9:32, closed)

Exactly, it's not even that great a story
Why would someone lie? Oh wait...QOTW...sorry.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 9:43, closed)

Is it really that unbelievable?
Well it did happen, there's not really much more I can say than that!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 9:41, closed)

Selling stuff they'd nicked themselves in a shop? Really?
Bip bip bip. Beeeeeep.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 9:58, closed)

erm....yes
Why is so difficult to believe? This sort of thing happens every day all over the world! Oh well.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 10:05, closed)

Jack The (Two)Hat(s)

(McChinaman banned, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 10:17, closed)

Because it doesn't.
Thieves use fences as middle men and have done for centuries.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 10:24, closed)

Ummmmm
Lots of stolen goods find their way into shops. Usually secondhand shops in shit areas. Run by blokes with dodgy mates.

Just sayin' like
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 10:42, closed)

Yes.
That's what I just said. Only without the passive aggressive "ummmm"
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 10:51, closed)

I'd have thought in this case 'Vic' was the fence and his 'crew' were the thieves.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 11:07, closed)

I read it as some crew did the stealing
and Two Hats was the fence.
( Peej, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 10:53, closed)

I heard Two hats stole fences in Crewe.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 10:56, closed)

All thieves? None are dumb enough to sell through their own outlets? I'm surprised at that.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 10:58, closed)

Dunno. You'd have to be pretty fucking stupid even by dodgy scally standards.
Fencing means thieves only have the dodgy stuff for as short a time as possible and the seller can plead "bought it off some nondescript bloke in the pub, honest officer".

Selling stuff you've nicked in your own shop would be irish-level stoopid.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 11:10, closed)

Wouldn't Welsh level be worse?

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 11:31, closed)

I was only considering human beings.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 11:37, closed)

Grammar pedant time
"video's, tapes and CD's"

Why do tapes get plural but the others are posessive? It makes no sense!
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 10:39, closed)

I think video is a person.
And as for the tapes and CDs, well, I assume he was just getting rid of the evidence after he killed the radio star.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 10:46, closed)

Video cassettes.
tapes and Compact Discs (don't ask me why this gets the apostrophe denoting contraction, but it does.).
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 18:31, closed)

You had me at 'lol.'

(jennymnemonic, Fri 8 Jul 2011, 19:00, closed)