Fertiliser
Some of my earliest memories are of being on a farm. My grandad ran a small dairy farm. Hanging around in the milking shed at milking time was lovely: the slow, calm cows, happily munching. My grandad wiping the shit off their udders with a wet cloth. The heavy, sweet smell of warm milk. The cats, waiting for a spill, or for the froth off the milk filter. Wonderful.

The cows would congregate by a gate when it was near milking time, waiting to be let into the yard. The area by the gate would get chopped up, deep mud, full of shit. One day, I must have been about 4, I walked down there in my little wellies: the gate was open. I stepped into the mud, got stuck. As I tried to free myself I slipped and fell. The next image I have in my head is of walking into the farmhouse kitchen, covered head to toe in stinking shit. My mum was sitting talking to her sister. "They say it makes you grow", she said, as I burst into tears.
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 24 May 2012, 19:54, 5 replies)

this just proves my theory
that children are manipulative little shits who only cry when they know it'll get a reaction.
( evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Thu 24 May 2012, 23:54, closed)

Awww bless
also: did you end up exceedingly tall?
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Fri 25 May 2012, 7:39, closed)

Although surprisingly comfortable....
Once, running with a barrow up a wet plank of wood on a muck heap, the inevitable happened and over I went.

The slow-motion fall gave me plenty of time to know I'm going to be landing in hemp and horse dung, but when the 'man hit the shit' so to speak I must admit it was more like a nice warm (if slightly smelly) bed.

Most importantly, no-one saw it.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 25 May 2012, 7:50, closed)

This is how it starts
www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/pervert-with-fetish-for-cow-manure-is-locked-up-6384125.html
( le brian, Fri 25 May 2012, 9:01, closed)

I'm no pervert.
That's cows. Horses are completely different...
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 25 May 2012, 10:01, closed)