You're in the shit now, my son!
Several years ago, while just into his teenage years, my friend Alan (not his real name) was helping out on his uncle's Scottish farm by cleaning years of encrusted cow shit off a platform in the farm's courtyard, when his uncle walked out of a barn looking the other way. Quick as a sheep pursued by a Welshman, Alan lobbed a crusty lump of excreta at the begettor of his unpleasant task - hitting him on the back of the head. The target spun on his heel to see Alan laughing his head off and, without another word, walked off around the corner.

A couple of minutes later, Alan heard a whirring noise and a peculiar splashing sound just before his uncle walked back around the corner with a broad grin on his face, and told Alan he had a little present for him. Alan was rather suspicious of this but, sadly for him, his uncle got him by the back of the shirt with one hand and the belt with his other before carrying him around the corner.

Where his muckspreader was in full, shit-flinging action.

Despite Alan's protests he was unable to prevent his uncle thrusting him, at arms length, into a veritable wall of flying liquid shit.

When he removed Alan from the flying tsunami of feculence, caked head to toe in "natural fertiliser", he took one satisfied look then walked off into the distance, leaving a dripping Alan to reflect on the folly of annoying a maniac with access to heavy machinery.



(Edited for RoF)
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 25 May 2012, 19:01, 3 replies)

stories read a lot better of you use a name instead of a single letter
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 25 May 2012, 22:19, closed)

I'd like this better
if your friend had responded by drowning his uncle in the slurry pit.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 25 May 2012, 23:11, closed)

It would possible have been more narratively satisfying,
But this story has the advantage of being absolutely true - at least as far as my friend told it to me.
( MatJ LOOK, Sat 26 May 2012, 17:31, closed)