My ex-wife questioned just about *everything* I did...
Cooking? "That'll be ready too soon", "That needs turning up a bit", "Aren't you doing any vegetables?", "Why are there only three pieces of chicken?", "That's far too many potatoes!" - in the end I banned her from the kitchen when I was cooking. The last straw was when I pretended that I wasn't going to do any vegetables, just meat and gravy coz her daughters never ate the veg anyway. She started getting vegetables out of the fridge and was just about to start preparing them when I pointed out the vegetables I'd already done. Apparently she really *did* think I was that stupid... O_o

Driving? "Ooh, I don't know why you've gone this way, this is the long way", "This is a strange way to get to [insert destination here]"... for fuck's sake woman, I managed to survive for thirty years before I met you, I can manage on my own*!!
We went to a weekly thing a few times over a couple of months. I made a point of going a different way each week, only to be told each week that I "...shouldn't have gone this way, this is the long way".

The one that used to really grill my goat though was the when she'd ask me to check something, which I would dutifully do. Then when I reported back to her she'd declare "Well that can't be right", and go and investigate it herself. Didn't matter what it was; "Did you find out what time Eastenders is on tonight?"
"Eight o'clock"
"That can't be right, it's usually eight-thirty"
"It's early tonight because of the football"
"No, you're wrong" *goes and checks to find I was right after all*

"Hot today"
"Yep, thirty two degrees according to the thermometer in the car"
"No, it can't have been that hot"
"Well, that's what the thermometer said"
"Yeah, but it's near the engine isn't it? It'll be wrong"
"Eh? No, why would they bother putting in thermometers that they know will be wrong?!"
"Well it definitely wasn't thirty two degrees"

Even now, years later, it still winds me up. Still, she's some other bloke's problem now. I hope he loves her to bits and doesn't even notice it...


*Just...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 19:12, 15 replies)

Ayup.
My reply was "Who's cooking this, you or me? Are you going to finish it?"

I've had this happen with a number of women. Gets to be a deal breaker pretty fast.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Oct 2012, 19:17, closed)

My reply was "Do you really think I'm that fucking stupid?!"
Followed by "Get out. From now on, when I'm cooking, you don't come in here"

All while brandishing a spatula in a semi-menacing way ;)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 20:45, closed)

See, there's your problem. You used a spatula.
Had you used a spoon you might have gotten results, especially if you showed her this.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Oct 2012, 21:08, closed)

Hahahaha

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 22:28, closed)

Surely if it grilled your goat, that's a good thing.
I love a bit of grilled goat.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 19:27, closed)

For some reason, the phrase "grilled goat" always makes me think of haloumi...

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 20:36, closed)

Clicks
Christ! - you married her too?

At one point I said "Oh! so the stew is wrong is it?" and then poured it down the bog ... and fecked off to the pub!

When I told her I was moving out she suddenly discovered she was mad and needed me to help her through it ... AFTER 10 YEARS together

"Nurse - I need THE MEDICATION NOW"
(Biff..., Wed 10 Oct 2012, 19:42, closed)

That's brilliant. Too runny for the bin, too lumpy for the sink...down the bog. Sorted.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 10 Oct 2012, 20:29, closed)

Haha, oh dear.
I know it's a cliche, but she changed almost beyond recognition almost the day we got home from the honeymoon. I remember sitting in the lounge one day very shortly into the marriage, thinking "Oh no, what have I done?" O_o
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 20:36, closed)

Hahaha!
Good thing you moved on ;)
( Jahled Three shades of black, Wed 10 Oct 2012, 21:07, closed)

loves chainsaws
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 11 Oct 2012, 1:25, closed)

Hahaha :)

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 11 Oct 2012, 9:23, closed)

I had one of these too
*clicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 11 Oct 2012, 10:28, closed)

Clicks in sympathy...

Makes me realise how lucky I am - the present Mrs Pooflake is a veritable saint in comparison to some of the posts I've read this week
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 11 Oct 2012, 10:37, closed)

Ah, the cooking thing
If she's cooking, I give her a hand with the preparation, chopping and so forth, and then bugger off into the other room to play on the internet or something. If I'm cooking, she'll hover behind my shoulder and offer advice and assistance throughout, until I order her point-blank to go and watch telly.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 11 Oct 2012, 11:19, closed)