Christmas Dinner with upper class family.
So imagine the scene: We have got a beautiful table all layed with the best cocklery, the best cloth, the best wine glasses. Everything perfect. Mum had been in the kitchen slaving over the meal for hours. For the first time in many years the whole family was together. All the family is round, grandparents, aunties,uncles, cousins, neices, nephews, kids, old people, everyone.

My mum was doing the posh thing. Dropping her usual northern accent to speak the queens english infront of posh grandparents. Everyone worked really hard to ensure everyone was catered for, Having every assortment of wine available, making 3 starters to choose from. Turkey or pork. There was enough food to fill an army.

So we sit down for the meal. "Ooh isnt this wonderful?" As Id already quashed two bottles of wine, I was feeling rather giddy and, couldnt even taste the elegant food that had been so carefully crafted.

We pulled some crackers, and everyone read out the usual corny Christmas Cracker jokes. Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 ate 9! The usual ones. Which caused a gentle chuckle between everyone.

So I pulled out my christmas cracker and decided to be done with the rubbish joke and inserted my own:
"What do you call an annorexic with a yeast infection?" Suddenly the general pleasant murmer came to an abrupt silence and I saw nothing but confused faces.. "A quarter pounder with cheese!" Confused faces instantly changed to disgust. (and the kids looked puzzled) The room was silent.

Until deary old grandmother pipes up: "Did it really say that?" "Yeah!!" "Katherine, where on EARTH did you buy these crackers from? I am most appauled!"

So that screwed that one up, as no one else wanted to even pull any crackers.

I never did tell them it was really a joke about fsh with no eyes. For about half an hour later everyone just talked about how they were going to complain to the Cracker makers.

Ah well, was plenty of wine left so I didnt care :)

Merry Christmas!
(Miggyman, Mon 31 Dec 2007, 12:34, 7 replies)

Adult Crackers
There is a website where you can buy adult jokes on little pieces of authentic cracker joke paper to secretly slot into the crackers when no-one is looking.

I've been threatened with castration if any of the kids ever pipes up "What's blue and fucks grannies?"
(brocky, Mon 31 Dec 2007, 14:15, closed)

Well...
...had I been present, I would have laughed. And then we would have been in the doghouse together...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 31 Dec 2007, 14:46, closed)

Is there room
in the doghouse for a wee one? Made me chuckle!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 31 Dec 2007, 14:50, closed)

I'd have complained to the cracker makers too
on the grounds that it's a fucking shit joke and not even funny.

Then again, no cracker joke has ever been funny. Ever.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Mon 31 Dec 2007, 17:06, closed)

Maybe it's not a good joke...
but the thought of passing it off as being inside a holiday cracker is pretty fucking brilliant!

...and yes, that is why I was never asked to baby-sit.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 31 Dec 2007, 17:23, closed)

that joke
shall be accompanying me to the pub tonight. oh yes, it will :D
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 31 Dec 2007, 18:03, closed)

it's people like you . . .
... that give us professional cracker joke writers a bad name. The union shall be hearing of this.
(Hagis, Mon 31 Dec 2007, 19:35, closed)