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IHateSprouts tells us they once avoided getting caught up in an IRA bomb attack by missing a train. Tell us how you've dodged the Grim Reaper, or simply avoided a bit of trouble.

(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 12:31)
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A wasp
actually flew into my then two-year-old son's mouth as he was spooning down some apple pudding in the cafe of a local petting zoo. It then settled on his lower lip, its little mandibles greedily shovelling down the puree.

Heart-in-mouth I reached over and somehow managed to flick it away and into a fatal collision with the wall. My little one continued with his dessert entirely oblivious. Had he been breathing in, the wasp could have stung his throat and I was filled with nightmarish visions of trying to perform an emergency tracheotomy surrounded by screaming toddlers.

I really fucking hate wasps. Impetuous little, picnic-ruining cunts. When I lived in a flat in London I (temporarily) succeeded in blocking the access routes to a wasps' nest that was located between the false inner wall and its brick exterior. It was such a joy to watch a massive, baffled swarm of them hovering helplessly outside my window as dusk fell.
(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 13:39, 15 replies)
At that point
you should have been standing by with a garden sprayer full of insecticide, taking them out one by one.

I did this once, and it eliminated my wasp problem.
(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 13:42, closed)

garden sprayer full of insecticide, taking them out one by one. flamethrower
(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 13:49, closed)
but that requires a little more care when in close proximity to one's abode.
(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 13:58, closed)
It was a fifth floor flat...
(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 14:27, closed)
"The skinheads of the insect world" - Eddie Izzard

(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 13:56, closed)
Same thing!
When I was about 2, I was in my high chair in the garden and merrily chomping away on cucumber, when my Dad's best friend noticed a waspy hitcher getting a ride straight into my mouth. He launchd himself at me and managed to knock the cucumber away, and therefore the wasp. Naturally I was just upset about the cucumber and screamed like I didn't have a bowlful still in front of me. Ingrate.
(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 14:05, closed)
Wasps are cool.

(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 14:22, closed)
They are when...
you use that ice spray to freeze pipes on them. Drop straight out of the air they do.
(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 14:28, closed)

(, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 12:30, closed)
I've always wondered...
... what wasps were for.

Other than the sort of sport illustrated here.

Actually, that's fair enough I guess.
(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 15:03, closed)
they do pollinate flowers, eat flies, caterpillars and other pests. It's supposedly only towards the end of summer as their numbers swell and resouces dwindle that they turn into fucking PRICKS and start harrassing me when I'm sipping on a glass of cider in the garden.
(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 16:47, closed)
I've always wanted...
...to starch one as it flies past, see the pointy arsed little twat glide helplessly to the floor.

Then, grab 2 of the bastards and get them to sting each other in the eyes.
(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 17:39, closed)
I'd pay good money to see that. Or watch a single wasp get gang-raped by hornets.
(, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 9:22, closed)
if you can sort this out
i'll bring the beers
(, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 16:25, closed)
They are very important
Which is quite annoying. If all wasps were to suddenly vanish we'd be up to our ears in all manner of creepy crawlies by next tuesday, or thursday at the latest.

Remember the bit in Temple of Doom where Indie and Short Round discover the secret passageway and are wondering why the ground is so crunchy? Yeah something like that.
(, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 12:41, closed)

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