Pointless ExperimentsPavlov's Frog writes: I once spent 20 minutes with my eyes closed to see what it was like being blind. I smashed my knee on the kitchen cupboard, and decided I'd be better off deaf as you can still watch television.
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:00)
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grave-robbing hubrisIt was while a medical student that I first had the desire to reanimate the body of a dead human. But where would I find such a thing outside the dissection room of the college? Of course - the local cemetery!
I watched as they lowered the coffin into the ground, paying no heed to the snivelling fools standing around that muddy plot and weeping senselessly at the fleetingness of life. And as soon as the sun went down, I was at work with my shovel, exhuming the freshly dead body and carting it in a wheelbarrow to my makeshift lab in the garage.
He was a middle-aged man. He looked smart in his burial suit and post-mortem makeover, but I soon had that off him and gazed upon his pasty white body. My experiement depended on my theory being correct - that a sudden charge of electricity into the corpse would bring him back to life. With a sense of life-changing anticipation, I opened the economy pack of Duracell AAs.
Twenty minutes later and I couldn't push any more up his arse. All I had to do now was make the connection and watch life flood back into his lifeless form. I attached the final piece of apparatus and flicked the switch.
There was a flash. A bang. His hair stood on end. He jerked into a sitting position and his eyes stared madly. I paused for his first words:
"My arse is full of fucking Duracell!" he yelled. And died again.
Then the police raided the garage and I was arrested for desecrating a grave.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 14:29, 5 replies)
Nice to have you back Frank...(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 14:40, closed)
Incidentally......how many AAs did you get up his harris? Just curious. Ahem.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:41, closed)
ahhh, frankyou hapless fool. everybody knows you cant reanimate the dead with duracell...... energizer lithium is the only way to go.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 6:46, closed)
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