Can people really smell your farts?
Spurred on by the experiment I posted on page 2, I decided to undertake another experiment. After last time, I decided to make any future experiments 'clean' - as in not resulting in me ending up covered in steamy urine - so I set to thinking what I could experiment with.

Now you may well know already that you cannot force creativity - the same can be said for farts which I learnt to be 100% fact the other morning when I squeezed out the most ear piercing, glass shattering, kill your neighbours cat causing, atmosphere destroying, insect repelling squeeler of all time... which of course due to the fact that it was the best fart I have EVER heard I squeezed out a teeny bit too long. My girlfriend heard this beautiful anal symphony and automatically held her nose and said something along the lines of "you dirty bastard" - I actually thought the gaseous part of the fart didn't smell but hey ho.

Suffice it to say that pair of underwear is in the bin - but it did give me an idea what to experiment with.

So after much procrastination and digretion - the expriment is: Can people really smell your farts or is it a psychosomatic response to the noise?

I wanted to test this in a variety of different situations: the car (confined space), the bedroom (sexy space), the toilet with door open (proper space), the garden (open space), in company (the group test.) I also had to make sure all the farts were as silent as possible to ensure the psychosomatic response factor was zero. This lead to experimentation of its own right ranging from prying apart my meaty cheeks, producing a noise akin to pinching and pulling the end of an inflated balloon, to super tensing which just made it sound like I had ripped a hole in space-time. Once I perfected the technique - which didn't take long as I had windy pops - I got to it.

1) The Car
I silently let rip with the girlfriend next to me and windows and vents closed. Result - She gagged and nearly threw up.

FAIL


2) Bed
This experiment was flawed from the beginning as I gave her a dutch oven. HIlarious but painful as I got a shot to the pills. Ouch.

FAIL


3) Toilet
This was wasn't even silent and you know what.....she didn't smell it!!

SUCCESS


4) Garden
Again - she did NOT smell it - could I be seeing a trend form here? Are sphincter jingles really only smelt as a psychosomatic response due to the sound, or had I just lost potency from farting too much?

SUCCESS


5) In Company
Majorly bad idea - like the worst idea possible. She smelt it, I smelt it, everyone smelt it. Proving that not only did my farts have the unbelievable maturity in smell to clear a room in seconds, but that farting in a room with your missus and her parents is NOT a way to impress them.

FAIL


Well it was a close call, a failure by only a small margin. Perhaps this failure can be attributed to my stupidity in burying my girls face into a pile of fresh noctious gas - who knows. Either way, it wasn't a very fair test this time... but man was it enjoyable!

It didn't end in me getting covered in pee and better yet it gave me a reason to expel my expertly crafted bodily contribution to the destruction of the ozone layer - like I ever needed one!
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:23, 8 replies)

The 'Silent But Deadly' or SBD for short
should have put piad to your theory, no?

*click* for a good yarn.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:30, closed)

my experience
the louder they are, the less they smell in my opinion.

Post-coitus, I emit what feels like a good litre of gas which actually shakes the bed and would most likely register on the Richter scale.

I'm not sure why this happens either, my wife suggested the agitation creates more gastric gas to be forced down the drainpipe, but it happens even if she crashes the milk-float for me.

In fact, she sees it as a sign of appreciation, the better it was, the louder it is.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:33, closed)

My ex's farts could stun an elephant
she'd cunningly do them just as I'd drifting off to sleep, silently and then holding her giggles until the noxious fumes reached my nostrils. I should be grateful she didn't subject me to a dutch oven, but they made me leave the room!

I knew it wouldn't last between us as I'm loud and proud, and could replicate the acoustic resonance of a road drill.
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:59, closed)

Unless you can fart chlorine...
I wouldn't worry about ozone depletion. I say fuck them all and carry on with your experiments!
(keyboardman, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:08, closed)

What's
a dutch oven?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:10, closed)

A Dutch Oven
is when you let one go under the sheets and trap the missus head so as she gets the full benefit.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:19, closed)

^
My ex was vegetarian and I was a card carrying 'meatatarian'. She used to let fly with silent tangy ones that stank like a sulphur pit, and I used to squawk loudly like a trumpet. She tried to reason with me that mine were loud and smelly, due to the fact that girls can't fart.

Silly bisexual girl. I don't know why I put up with her...
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 16:26, closed)

Back in grade school
I farted loudly at a friend's house. Sensing my embarrassment he told me of a chinese idiom that says, in essence, that the noisy ones don't smell.

Good guy, I'm glad I'm rooming with him next year.
(Sco smokes crack often., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 11:40, closed)