Lent
I'm not a Christian guy. But I do like to feel that I'm in control of my life, to an extent.

Back in 2006, Lent seemed a good time to attempt an exercise in self-control. I opted to abstain from sex and masturbation. Again, I re-iterate, this wasn't for religious reasons.

This was to prove to myself that I didn't need to masturbate, I simply chose to. I am not a slave to my sex drive, I am in charge of my sex drive.

Lent, as you probably all know, runs from Shrove Tuesday (Pancake Day) to Easter Sunday. Don't be fooled by Christian propaganda. Lent is not 40 days. It's 40 days, plus 7 Sundays. An additional 7 days might not seem like a lot, but, when you are 35 days in, and you suddenly realise the finish line is 12 days away, rather than the anticipated 5... it can be crushing.

Anyway, Shrove Tuesday. I ate my pancakes, ran upstairs, and had my last wank for 47 days. "That didn't feel great. Nice, but not great." I told myself. "I'll be able to do this."

The first week was very difficult. After that, it wasn't so tough. I found myself doing more things I enjoyed doing. My sex drive lessened during the day, and I managed to contain it during the night. Friends reported that I seemed happier, more upbeat, friendlier. It felt nice.

Then came Holy Week. My last week of abstinence. I knew Easter Sunday was coming. And I knew what this meant. After a month of sex and masturbation being out of my mind, they were back, and they were making their presence known. The nights became tortured, as my balls grew impatient. Spontaneous erections were becoming more and more frequent. It wasn't pleasant. I started wishing the Week away.

Finally, Easter Sunday. I could wait no longer. A friend had known of my plight, and offered her assistance. Still being sane, I accepted her offer.

I didn't last long. I'll bet it was very disappointing for my friend, but it was a massive relief to me. For the first time in over a month and a half, I came. I came and I came. It felt fantastic.

In all, I think I failed. I managed to hold out 'til the end, but I certainly didn't successfully tackle the demon. I didn't prove to myself a lack of need; it felt more like endurance than liberation. A hunger strike, not independence. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

I tried again in 2007. I failed that time. Repeatedly. This year, I turned vegetarian for the duration of Lent. That was much easier, and I found that some vegetarian dishes are actually better than their meaty equivalents. I'd recommend this to anyone, it's quite eye-opening.

Length?

About 12.5 seconds
( Thinker, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 20:43, 9 replies)

married
I tried this once, but my plans were thwarted by my other half. She would tug me off in the morning before I woke up. By the time I was awake, I was already at the point where if she'd have stopped, I'd have been in a frustrated cranky mood all day.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:28, closed)

The best I ever managed
was nine days, twenty-three hours and fifty-five minutes.

Damn that elusive tenth day, damn it very much indeed.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:31, closed)

This story...
...sounds a lot like the film "40 days and 40 nights"
(floella, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 2:07, closed)

It's actually 40 days and *6* Sundays...
...although I never actually noticed the subterfuge all those childhood years I had to go without sweets and chocolate.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 9:12, closed)

Ah! But did you know...
You can break your fast on the Sundays? Was told this by a nun, cos of the whole "If Jesus did it then it's OK". The church decided that he would have eaten on a Sunday rather than fasting the whole 40 + 6/7 days. So tug away on the Sabbath!
(Cryptoprocta has abandoned the username of Voodoo Mary, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 11:29, closed)

I gave up genocide for lent this year
I'm thrilled to say it was completely successful.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 11:30, closed)

ancrenne;
With Lent being a Christian "celebration", I chose to first explain that I'm not Christian, but (as further explained in the second sentence), Lent seemed a good time to experiment with abstinence, for the purpose of taking contol of my life.
( Thinker, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 12:52, closed)

@Leonard
I actually gave up regicide, fratricide and insecticide.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 13:46, closed)