Esca-pain.
Around when I was 13 I developed a hernia. Can't remember exactly what it was called but as it was explained to me - I had a big tear in my abdominal muscles just above where my pubes had sprouted.
EDIT: Apparently caused by too much heavy lifting or physical exertion
Now this was before I became the mental giant that I am today and I had simply taken it for granted that everyone went thru periods when they had trouble standing up straight and were regularly doubled over in excruciating pain.
This obviously went some way to explaining that pain. The surgeon asked me what I did for recreation and when I told him "judo and I mowed lawns for pocket money" he was a little less inclined to call out Children's Services on my mum. He told me he'd seen grown men incapacitated with smaller tears.

Then he told us how I needed surgery. Seeing how hospitals and I rarely met in good circumstances - broken bones, cuts and stitches etc. it was no surprise that I wasn't having a fucking bar of it. I'd get better on my own thanghhnnNNNNGGGG!! OWWW!
So surgery it was.
Now I've always been very quick to come out of anaesthetics - after a recent gastroscopy the nursing staff were a little nonplussed at my eagerness to get up, get dressed and GTFO of there.

Anyhoo - I came to in recovery and tried to sit up. I was covered by an untied gown and blanket. The bastards had shaved my pubes - I was an early developer and had been quite proud of my thatch above and around the old fella. Pricks!
So, time to find mum and bail on these surroundings thinks I. I tried to fasten the gown but I seemed to be in a slightly increasing amount of pain & why the fuck do they tie at the back anyway?! I gently slid the needles in my hand out (fucking ouch!) and staggered back to where I last saw mum whilst trying not to show the world my bum. No luck there so I caught a lift down to the carpark - maybe she was waiting for me in the car (?). It must have been fairly hectic cause in this day and age I can't imagine a 13 yo. boy being able to wander off from recovery let alone stumble out the front doors in nothing but an open gown.

Mum wasn't at the car and the car wasn't even where I remembered her parking it - it was a long walk home and I really wasn't feeling the best but fuck it, they'd done what they wanted to do and I wasn't hanging around any longer than I had to. Then the parking attendant/security guy saw me and shouted.
OH SHIT!.
As I tried to cheese it (stumblingly) the gown fell off and there I was being chased around the hospital carpark by some security monkey (clearly by this stage they'd discovered the lack of me in recovery) in the all-together. Slowly dodging in and out of cars, surprising more than just a couple of hospital patrons I was keen to make a slow, naked, laboured break for it.

Eventually they caught me and as gently as possible got me on a gurney, covered my shame with a blanket and got me back inside where my mum fluctuated between showering me with relieved kisses and screaming at me wondering what the fuck did I think I was doing? The doctors checked I was ok - thankfully my naked chase exertions hadn't caused anything to come unstuck. I soon discovered that many of the nurses were young and good looking and they frequently had to come and have a good close look at my groin. So there was that.

Length? A 2-3" scar just inside from the top of my right hip. Can hardly see it these days thru the forest of grey hairs.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 5:13, 27 replies)

boring

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:07, closed)

Log out to have a look
did you?
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:11, closed)

well, duh

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:14, closed)

Good to see you know your place, then.

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:17, closed)

sorry i made you angry on the internet

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:31, closed)

This place is all he's got, TD.
We're all he has in the world.

:(
(alright alright, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:38, closed)

alright ringo

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:19, closed)

It's risky to approve of
a story about naked 13 year old boys around here, but that gets a click.
(username failed moderation, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:20, closed)

story about
s around here, but
c
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 14:01, closed)

That's far too much work.
Shall we just agree you're saying I'm a nonce?

Well done. Top trolling there.
(username failed moderation, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 15:00, closed)

I was trying to say the opposite, but yeah, fine

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 15:05, closed)

alright, misery
was being banned not enough of a hint that you should fuck off?
(alright alright, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:36, closed)

what did he get banned for?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:38, closed)

being shit beyond words?
constantly weeping?
constantly weeping about being shit beyond words?

who cares
(alright alright, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:40, closed)

He's got me on 2.0 as well. I'm devasted.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 9:46, closed)

Get fucked you bent prick

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:57, closed)

Goodness me Monty,
What a simply astonishing zinger.

Well done!
(username failed moderation, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 15:02, closed)

alright dreary white knight

(alright alright, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 15:15, closed)

*krankies*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 17:26, closed)

I didn't know this was Misery
Nor did I notice his absence as he was on ignore. I will give credit were it's due and liked this story.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Wed 14 Aug 2013, 13:33, closed)

Cheers.

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 21:36, closed)

g'day

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 13:47, closed)

Can you tell who it is yet?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 14:02, closed)

Were this true...
...it would lend credence to the scene in Prometheus where the protagonist has an alien baby surgically aborted by a robot and then immediately gets up and runs around the ship, in spite of her having a freshly stapled surgical wound the width of her abdomen which transects a load of the muscles you use for sitting up and running.
(squigbobble existed, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 14:04, closed)

But this is the future, where people heal super-fast.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 14:09, closed)

...er,
don't know.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 21:27, closed)

I agree with the lack of suspension of disbelief in the scene, but then again moments later Charlize gets steam-rolled by a giant alien ship
whilst Noomi is saved by some rocks - so there you go.

No my mum's car wasn't a Honda Accord. I will reiterate - I seemed to be in a slightly increasing amount of pain, and I really wasn't feeling the best.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 21:36, closed)