You shouldn't have bothered learning
because you are rubbish in every material particular, and also in your face. If I met you, I would slap you. Hell, if Mahatma Gandhi met you, he would slap you. Your story is dryer than an Arab's sandal, but contains less nutrition and humour value. You use of language would cause Lord Byron to turn inside out. Octopus tentacles sprout from your nose and ears. Fully 30% of future suicide bombings are the fault of you having posted this, not to mention 26% of Irishmen. The vile, burning hatred I feel in my gut when I consider you causes me to vomit molten bronze, and every time you laugh, a puppy dies, alone, in two pieces, on a road in Berkshire. Rouse my ire again, post on this website again, and you'll find out what NOT being gentle feels like.

Also you get a click for the button mushroom bit.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:28, 2 replies)

Thanks, I blame my skool. It was shite.
(b1tchell failed to learn English, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:29, closed)

WHO knows...
...where you picked up these bad habits.
(Narcotic Monkey Neither a narcotic nor a monkey., Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:34, closed)

Some people
are gifted story tellers, others are like me.
(b1tchell failed to learn English, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:51, closed)

I'd always wondered what caused Irishmen.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 16:32, closed)

Until this post,
the leading causes were you and Amorous Badger, at 9 and 11.5% respectively, followed by spontaneous generation from Guinness at 7% or so, and 'Irish people fucking' at around 5.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 18:31, closed)