I made someone be dead on paper and ruined his life.
In college, a friend and I gained access to the school's most secure section of their database. Before each semester they would take over a computer lab for a day, staff members would sit down at each computer and log in so that students could then form lines and register for classes.

Clever fellow that he was, my friend installed a keyboard sniffer on one of the lab computers that recorded every keystroke right before they kicked him out in order to start registration.

By that evening, we had a login and password to get us into the database that recorded and controlled every student's class schedule and status in the school.

Every student had a little 2 letter code next to their name signaling whether they were active, on leave, etc. One of the options was 'dd.' That made them 'deceased.'

I won't bore you all with the horrible crimes that our victim was guilty of that deserved the sort of revenge that this allowed us to dish out. But we made him 'deceased' on the school's computer, one semester before he was to graduate.

Among the effects of this was that he had no diploma on graduation day. But it gets worse. Much worse. It seems that he had student loans through the Dept. of Education and the college is supposed to report the student's status regularly, to make sure that he or she is actually enrolled. When the college told the Dept. of Education that the student was dead, THEY CALLED IN THE LOAN. His parents had to fork it all over, no matter that he was still in school and attempting to go on to graduate school.

And it got still worse. The Department of Education reported this information of his death to other government departments. His social security number was pulled and presumably reassigned to someone else. When his drivers license expired, he was unable to renew it. This went on and on for years with the poor bastard practically in tears in front of one government bureaucrat after another begging them to believe that he was not actually dead.

That is easily the biggest fake I have ever pulled. Although to be honest, we never had any idea that this would be anything other than a momentary inconvenience for him.
(Zupper, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 23:00, 6 replies)

I hope
you're fucking proud. Knob jockey.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 7:31, closed)

Yay
Now that's funny. I applaud you whole heartedly, presuming he was a knob, otherwise that comes close to bullying...

Still all his fault, he could have topped himself, thereby bringing himself in line with the bureaucrats...
(Neostenine's maker, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 8:32, closed)

one word
Karma

na fuck it three words

karma you cunt
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:02, closed)

He was a total knob.
No, trust me that this guy really, really deserved it.

The same friend and myself had been making something rather nice out of morning glory seeds using lab equipment. In the quad, since the fumes weren't the sort of thing you wanted in an enclosed space. This nitwit knew what we were doing, but he decided to call the campus police and report to them that we were making a bomb.

A whole big thing resulted, in which we got taken into custody and damn near got charged with a whole series of felonies related to the explosives that we were not making. We did manage to talk our way out and even kept the lab equipment.

The knob in question has essentially attempted to send us to jail. The rational, expected consequences of his phone call to the police would be that my friend and I would have been literally locked in cages for an indefinite period of days or weeks until a long investigation proved that it was not a bomb that we were making. I believe that when someone literally attempts to take your freedom away and put you behind bars for no good reason, that person deserves horrible, painful revenge.

We knew who'd reported us because my good friend happened to work the switchboard of the campus phone system and heard the emergency call come in.
(Zupper, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 16:37, closed)

Nah
Fuck him/her/it, sounds like extreme and slightly sweet justice.
(Neostenine's maker, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 23:14, closed)

You see
this is why British is so great.

The government is so inefficient and disjointed that when one department is informed you're dead, the others don't know for months.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:24, closed)