Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah almost there!
Oh I fake it all the time if it's not gonna happen in bed.

You do the foreplay, you are required to ensure they're ready for penetration.

You get the condom on, and there's a whole NFSW'ing different post there. 'Oh no, off course I don't mind wearing a condom! It's not as if I wanted to **feel** anything while shaggin you anyway.'

You get the bitty bit off plastic on, get back too full mast with some more foreplay.

Then realise that for the last 30 minutes you've been warming up for the big event and now? Now, you're bloody bored of this farce and want to go play Warcraft or something else not so time consuming or emotionally draining having to reassure your;

- Partner
- Random person occupying your bed
- Regular person occupying your bed
- Assorted persons in your bed

'Yes dear, you are good. The world is shaking for me.'

So you fake it, just get rid off the condom before they notice it's pretty empty, pretend to be "ohsoOMGSENSITIVE" afterwards and go watch some TV or something.

Sex, why do we do it again if it's so much trouble to get it, once you have got it then it's more trouble and finally when you have it you get bored?

Sometimes all you wanna do is just have a hard fuck and walk away >_<
(Helo, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 0:49, 16 replies)

You're going to have the mick firmly taken for this post...
...but you're right. I've done this on a fair few occasions. Stupid face, over-dramatic collapse, quick cuddle and "you're the best", now can I go to sleep?

Condoms do cut down on a lot of sensation, but they also stop nasty things (like babies) so a necessary evil I guess.
(TheMole, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 2:24, closed)

Ha you cunt:
Somewhat true though....
(socynicalsohip, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 2:41, closed)

Enjoy your hard fuck.
Walk away.
It's all good.

You're obviously very shit in bed.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 5:22, closed)

FAO workboresme
I had $10 on somebody coming out with your precise comment...because clearly you have never done the above because you are such and international playboy which is why you are writing on a message board.

Dick.

Rakky - very cynical but honest and for the most part, I agree.
(zit, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 8:00, closed)

Quelle surprise
Where have these 'I'm better than you' interweb twunts come out of the woodwork from?

Fair post, mildly amusing, definitely true. Good point sex is kinda fun, but some times you can't be arsed.

Instead of naysaying, why not just, well for want of better words, fuck off? Just a thought...

*exit stage left*
(Neostenine's maker, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 8:16, closed)

Too true helo.
Despite what the others and "norm" might say. I must admit Sex seems to be a bit of an anti climax for me. The best relieving orgasms I have ever had have been done by myself :/
(Miggyman, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 8:29, closed)

Amateur Dramatics hiring here.
TheMole, Condoms deffo do cut down on sensation but hey, they keep me more or less healthy so ain't complaining toooo much.

Workboresme, naw, not a crap shag just get bored with the amateur dramatics that you have to go through sometimes to just have a shag.

Miggyman, tell me about it. There are somethings another man/women/animal can't do for yourself so sometimes it's just easier to DIY...

Oh well, least I got it off me chest :D
(Helo, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 8:57, closed)

With a modicum of self-control
you can have a skinny dip and once you feel yourself getting a tad too aroused, pop out the chap and stick the happy hat on him. It's also a good idea to tell herself to hop up on top there and go to town. Usually then, by the time its happy hat time, yer wan is near climax herself. The break in proceedings can be supplemented for herself by a little self-service while-u-wait. Everybody wins!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 8:58, closed)

top tip
The bazmorningstar method is good in theory, just don't forget about precum.. the penis can excrete millions of baby making tads before even approaching the gravy thrusts.
(catbrain likes the hairy scratchings bestest, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 9:53, closed)

zit
If you bothered to check out the profile, you'd find that workboresme is a lady b3tan. And a fine one at that.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:02, closed)

She's a she?
Well, I guess that explains why the idea of a hard fuck is one she might find "offensive".

Meh, sometimes I don't have the time nor the inclination to spend 30 minutes warming a guy up.
(Helo, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 13:53, closed)

..
'Oh no, off course I don't mind wearing a condom! It's not as if I wanted to **feel** anything while shaggin you anyway.'


It was giving into this attitude that landed me with long term nasties. Don't be a twat.

EDIT: Also applies to the others: condoms are not just for protecting against pregnancy. This should not be news.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 14:06, closed)

?
What makes men think that women want to take hours either? We also have better things to do. Sometimes we would rather you just got on with it, too, you know...

Would agree with condom comments, USE THEM, you can get pregnant from precum, you can also get diseases at any point so no condom=no sex in my book, because I woudl rather not get any of the myriad diseases I know about through my line of work. Working in sexual health doesn't half make you paranoid.
(Clarabelle is reverting to type on, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 16:53, closed)

I'm with workboresme
Speaking as another 'she', and one who's had good lovers and bad. You have "crap shag" written all over you, even if you don't think so.

And how very old-school chauvinistic of you to assume that workboresme was offended by the idea of a 'hard fuck', rather than just being irritated at listening to someone who would appear to be entirely self-absorbed and not particularly nice.

*AND* what's with implying that you only wear a condom to keep the woman happy?

You seem like a real dick to me, on the basis of this post.
(entry_level_adultette, Sat 12 Jul 2008, 3:32, closed)

...
Madam Marlboro, since I have never had a "long term nastie" during my life due to the fact that I WEAR condoms and rarely have penetrative sex, I think I can safely say that while I wear them I throughly dislike them and will bitch about them given a forum and a place to bitch about them, I will.

Clarabelle, I help with a sexual health charity also. See above post. I do wear condoms but they DO remove large amount of sensation for the average male regardless of condom being "thin".

entry_level_adultette, Does it sound like a crap shag? Not really, it just sounds like one where I'm not into it.

Sometimes you're ready to go go go, sometimes you can't be arsed esp when sometimes people expect you too cum during sex.

Why do I think she was offended? Her whole post reeked of being offended so it was a fair assumption too make. Also see above for how I feel about them, and don't make assumptions about "implications" that I wear a condom too please someone, or anyone.

I wear them too keep me health if I wear them at all. There's alot you can do without them.
(Helo, Sat 12 Jul 2008, 20:06, closed)

I've been fighting against posting this but the compulsion's too strong.
"to" is not the same as "too".
"off" is not the same as "of".
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 10:17, closed)