Control
I'd always meet them at their hotel bars, more for my own safety than anything else. Every time I met someone new I'd be filled with that familiar nervous energy. A glass of wine would usually help calm me down, just the one and maybe a shot. I didn't want to be drunk, being drunk isn't attractive, it also clouds your judgement and leaves you vulnerable. Being vulnerable and showing fear were not acceptable.

I'd worry about being watched, or being spotted by someone I knew. I'd get the occasional knowing look from hotel staff, or women would glance over at me and whisper to their friends.
It didn't surprise me, I knew what they were thinking, a young woman barely in her early 20s with a much older man in a hotel bar. She must be a prostitute.

They were wrong though, I wasn't being paid to have sex with these men. They were paying to be my slaves.

Sometimes it would be tame. We'd go up to their room and I'd tell them to strip. I'd start messing up the room while they changed into the little apron I had for such occasions, then I'd get them to clean up. All the while I'd be calling them worthless, barking orders, never asking, always telling.

Other times gags, whips and paddles would be involved. I disliked the whipping. Inflicting pain on anyone, regardless of if they were paying for it is something I've always struggled to do. I don't like hurting people. I couldn't let them know that though. I had to be the authority figure. If they knew how awkward and self conscious I felt. It would ruin the illusion.
You know that feeling you get when you're at a club and not quite drunk enough to stop caring what people think so you do that awkward sideways shuffle on the dance floor, have a sip of your drink and try and look as nonchalant as possible? Well, that's what I felt like most of the time.

I found it easier when I was dressed up. Every client had their own personal preference though usually nothing out of the ordinary, sometimes I'd be a head mistress, or a bossy nurse, one client had a thing for ninjas. All of the characters I played were strong disciplinarians. My favourite was the classic dominatrix look. It was the one so far removed from myself I found it was the one I could really exaggerate . Also, there's just something about wearing thigh high boots that makes you feel powerful.

I thought about their wives, did they know that their husbands were paying to be humiliated? Did they think their husbands were having affairs? I'm pretty sure none of them ever noticed that their husband was spending a lot of money on his business trip to London. I was always paid in cash and some of these men were disgustingly rich.
Every now and then they'd talk about their families. Most of them were happy generally, they just had needs their wives couldn't fulfil. This was usually due to the fact that they hadn't told their spouses about their desires to be dominated as they were apprehensive about being branded a pervert. I often wondered what would happen if they just communicated with them. Would their fears be justified? Or sometimes, is it just easier to pretend you don't like young women in hotels to put their high heels in places they shouldn't be, whilst you call them mistress and wank yourself into a gormless frenzy, for the sake of saving face?

The majority of my clients were actually pretty decent men. They worked extremely hard in very high pressure jobs. I'm sure they were perceived as control freaks and they spent a huge amount of time away from their home and loved ones. That's possibly why they came to me. I was an escape from the loneliness. They didn't have to pretend to be able to cope with me, they didn't have someone sucking up to them, they didn't have to be the one in control of the situation. But most importantly, they got a bit of escapism by living out a fantasy.

Eventually my double life took its toll. As far as friends and family were concerned I was working in a pub and just happened to like going out a lot. I had to lie about where I was going and who I'd be seeing, I had to cover my lies with more lies. I found maintaining my "mistress" person drained me. Having to act like a heartless bitch when all I really wanted to do was sit down and have a cup of tea became tiresome.

So there you have it, I was a complete fake. From the outfits, to the shouting, to the spanking. Although the praise I received was flattering, being treated like a queen a few times a week made me feel special and I knew I was making these men happy. It wasn't me.
I just don't like being mean.
( wanderlust, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 16:58, 12 replies)

Fantastic!
Well written and interesting.

The click is for "wank yourself into a gormless frenzy" though.

Must've taken some massive metaphorical balls to post that though.
( Cawl, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 17:01, closed)

wonderfully written
*click*
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 17:04, closed)

Have a biscuit
To go with your cup of tea.

*Click*
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 17:20, closed)

^
not a soggy one though...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 16 Jul 2008, 17:22, closed)

i like this
so have a click.
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 17:37, closed)

heh...
..a friend of my gf's does this.

She gets them to make her a cup of tea, and then uses them as a footstool. Everyones a winner!
(inflateable, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 18:00, closed)

To the poster above
I like her style!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 16 Jul 2008, 18:25, closed)

Brilliant!
I love a post that makes you think - have a click for a really well fleshed out one, complete with wanking.

Ace stuff :D
(thecurriedavenger, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 20:56, closed)

@ inflateable
Your friend has teh style *envies*
( Maladicta, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 21:38, closed)

I spy
a highly successful blog out of this. Touches of comedy and sadness and lucrative book deal too.

Extremely well written. *clicks*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 21:40, closed)

I always thought this would be a wonderful job to do.
But your right. Being mean to people when your not that way inclined must be draining.

Still, nice work if you can get it : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Jul 2008, 11:33, closed)