Welcome to the Cheap Meats
I'm a big fan of cooking on a budget. I love turning out a perfectly edible lasagne and then revealing that each portion cost less than a ready-meal. However, one day I went too far. I tried to cook with Sainsbury's Value Mince.

"This stuff is a bargain!" I thought, as I plopped the nondescript pack into my basket. "Presumably it's cheaper because they don't spend money on fancy packaging" I convinced myself, assuming that their normal own-brand mince came in cartons designed by Banksy. And so I took it home and prepared to make the cheapest chilli con carne ever, and to astound my family with the revelation that it only cost a quid.

At this point I'd like to say a big Hello to everyone who's about three paragraphs ahead of me here. Yes, I probably should've known.

What a twat. As soon as I opened the pack, I realised this wasn't one of my wisest purchases. Where normally you'd find minced beef, I saw an explosion in a guts factory. Bright red strands of god-knows-what mingled with huge clumps of gristle, and all was liberally decorated with little sections of white tube which I imagine used to transport bodily fluids. The packs of good-quality mince boast of coming from the prime cuts of beef; I dreaded to think which parts of the cow I was looking at. Probably the broken dreams. And anus.

"So you threw it in the bin and stuck a Fray Bentos in the oven, right?" I hear you ask. Of course I didn't; I refused to be beaten by a tray of hoof. I soldiered on with the recipe. Of course, instead of simply tipping the beef into the pan, I had to be a bit more selective. And so I spent something like half an hour picking through this carton of takeaway autopsy, hooking out all the nasty-looking bits, removing the little (and not so little) bits of tube, running the Squish test on anything I wasn't sure about (i.e. if, when squished with a fork, it behaved like a lump of rubber, it was out). All in all, about half the pack made it to the pan.

So I ended up spending twice as long as normal making a very small chilli. And I decided against the big reveal at the end. I realised it probably wasn't wise for me to announce that they'd just eaten ground-up ringpiece.
(costas, Wed 2 Jul 2014, 1:23, 9 replies)

Supermarket "value" mince is nothing like that, in my experience.
It just tends to be a bit fattier, but the mincing process tends to remove any identifiable animal parts.
Was this a recent experience?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 2 Jul 2014, 9:16, closed)

This really.
Chilli's made of shit mince were a staple when I was a student. Sometimes, if I could be arsed, I'd drain the fat off before commencing with the rest of my chilli.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 2 Jul 2014, 17:00, closed)

I like this.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 2 Jul 2014, 10:52, closed)

i only like this for the Wonderstuff reference.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 2 Jul 2014, 11:21, closed)

because i am ARCH and a HIPSTER.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 2 Jul 2014, 11:21, closed)

I've had value mince before and all it reminded me of was slighter fattier and not quite as tasty meat, it's not steak mince but you probably realised that already.
(Benzyl, Wed 2 Jul 2014, 11:35, closed)

This has my stump of approval

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 2 Jul 2014, 12:00, closed)

That's the hoof, baby.

(McChinaman banned, Wed 2 Jul 2014, 17:14, closed)

Have a click
for "Probably the broken dreams. And anus."
(ubergeekian, Thu 3 Jul 2014, 12:50, closed)