Pea Roast
The greatest entertainer of all time
MR ROLF HARRIS.

Shit I can't believe I nearly forgot this one.

When I was a little fella of about 7, I, with a bunch of young mates saw Rolf Harris in the General Store on Rottenest Island, just off the coast from Perth.

Now many of you may not know (probably because you are in such awe of his true entertaining genius) that before being famous Rolf used to be a camera man for a Perth television station in the early days of Australian TV. I know this because my mum was an amateur actor who appeared several times on TV in Perth in it's early days and none other than the Big R Harris was the camera man.

Anyway, I felt that it was my duty to rush up to Rolfy boy with half a dozen 7 year olds in tow and tell him that he knew my mum. I could tell he wasn't really that interested when he replied at full volume (to children mind you)

"OH fuck off you little cunts, I am trying to have a quiet weekend with my family!" - I swear it is true.

I was horrified, I was mortified, I was angry. How dare this legend of the didgeridoo, the wobble board, kangaroo molesting and three legged pedophiles who KNEW MY MUM, be so rude to me.

Now for those who are not familiar with Rottenest Island, there are no cars, the only transport is push bikes or walking. My mates and I decided that the only real course of action was to follow old Rolf home with his shopping and stand across the street from his holiday cabin and shout intelligent abuse at him such as "Hey Rolf you are a stinky poo bum" and lob sand bombs onto his roof.

And do you know what the bearded fucker did?

He called the fucking cops................ on 7 year olds.

I must admit the young constable did look a little bemused when he arrived to this hardened gang of criminal 7 year olds, and clearly fearing for his safety decided not to enact an arrest but, suggested,

"I know Mr Harris can be a bit of cranky old man but, you have had your fun now, so its time to leave him in peace".

Which we did, and begged the cop to give us a ride in his paddy wagon, which he didn't.

THE CUNT!

Fuck I hate the cunt.
bitter?
maybe a touch of lemon
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 15:01, 5 replies)

I thought you were getting him mixed up with the famous dyslexic comedian / cartoonist extraordinaire Rofl Harris

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 15:03, closed)

I remember reading this before
and feeling very sad. I have always had respect for Rolf, mainly due to animal hospital rather than his singing or rubbish painting, but to then find out that he is a complete arse is very disapointing.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 15:09, closed)

Haha, I've been to Rottnest a while back
You should have killed a few quokka and left them in his bike's saddlebag!
( Victor Meldrew, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 15:45, closed)

Quoka Soccer is cruel
and hard to play in the dark
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 15:58, closed)

I've heard he can be a cunt...
Back during my school days (probably around 15-20 years ago now) the story went around of someone asking him for an autograph.

"Fuck off you smelly little bastard" was the response...

the kid in question was a smelly little bastard
( TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Thu 4 Feb 2010, 15:54, closed)